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MMBM: If Deshaun Watson Is Really So Good, Then How Come Three Times As Many Colleges Wanted Tom Savage?

Note: TL;DR.

Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.

The Texas and Titans got tegether in a battle of which fanbase gets to claim the memory of the Houston Oilers more and everyone was left with one queston- where did this Deshaun Watson guy come from and what the hell was wrong with him last year. The Texas rookie QB has been on quite the tear recently, depsite the fact he had a underwhelming final season at Clemson by his own lofty standards. Yes, the tigers won the national championship, but Watsons numbers took a HUGE step back from his sophomore season at Clemson, something we dont really talk about.

People were talking about him like a top 3 pick because of his two-dimensonal ability before his junior season. He had like 1200 yds rushing his sophomore year and I dont know decided he was to good to run the ball or whatever so he only had like 600 yds his junior year. Major red flag. Heck, in his Junior year he lost to Pitt- the team that his current backup Tom Savage built. Granted that Pitt defense was probly two or three steps up from the Patriots team he shredded, but still- the fact that he has been playing so well this year only makes me queston the skeletons in his past all the more.

People forget that Tom Savage was such a hot commodty in college that he was recruited by, and attended 3 different schools. Watson on the other hand committed to Clemson and stayed put. Really tells you all you need to know that no other schools wanted him bad enough to ever make him transfer meanwhile Savage was traveling the country, experiencing diffrent cultures and expanding his horizons while Watson was essentally becoming agoraphobic afraid to leave his state. Its called NRG stadium, not NR Bedroom staidium.

Little sabermetrics for you- A google search of “Deshaun Watson Junior Year Slump” return’s over 140,000 hits. Thats alot of bad tape out there.

I’m so happy that Watson seems to of been changing his wicked ways, but its like if you get into a cab with someone who spent all last year crashing cars in spectacular fashion all over gods green earth, dont tell me how good a driver they’re just because they managed to paralel park without incident.

You want your QB to be his own man, but even his last name makes it sound like he’s in JJs shadow, trying to hard to be like the local hero. I want a guy who care’s more about trying to be betta than a guy whose trying to be alpha. There was a report in the news that Watson donated his first two game checks to cafeteria worker’s almost like he wanted to make sure he got the corner slices of cake before everyone else. Memo to Deshaun- the Texans have a long storied history of there QBs paying a dear price for turnover’s – they dont need you to rub it in.

Plus its very disrepsectful to the city of Houston for there QB to be wearing highwaters, no offense.

On to the awards:

Road Grader of the Week: Keith Smith

I call this guy Grit McHenry because even though you wont see many hilights of him on ESPN he knows that you allways have to hear both sides. I’ve long maintained that fullbacks are just linebackers are kind of relatives in the evolutionary sense that a human is what happened when god took his chimpanzee mold and gave it the abilty to feel shame and play sports, likewise a fullback is just a linebacker who isnt afraid of being tackled anymore. They have many similarties including they wear the same numbers and have similar neckrolls- so my coach came up with a helpfull pnemonic device to tell the difference between a spotlight-seeking LB and a locker-room leading fullback: “Wannabe actor? thats a ‘backer. Behind the scenes? Thats Natron Means.”

10 Things I Know I Know

1. Somewhat dismayed by Cam Newtons fashion choices on the feild and off it on Sunday. First thing first, he was wearing Timberland type shoes during warmups which is ironic because he’s been playing like he should be riding the pine.

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I’ve been calling him Cam Flutin because he blows but he was whistling a different tune wearing his work boots and screaming hi ho hi ho before going off to work on that Patriot’s secondary that was more lethargic then Snow White. And then after the game he harassed reporter’s for not wanting to interview him when he wasnt playing well, which ,I’m not sure if Cam knows how the media works but thats kind of how it works.

Funny how the only time Cam slides anymore is into reporter’s DMs. Needs to worry more about taking care of his own body than some reporters IMO. Also I kind of see his point about how come the media didn’t want to talk to him before he was part of a interesting storiline? Very telling that no one wanted to intervew Cam when he was a 2 year old child who didnt even play football. Seems like they only care about atheletes AFTER they start playing sports.

2. Folks what is this the French army or the New York Jets because they have no idea how to tank. I’m keeping a close eye on the Fireman Ed Index which can be use as a reliable indicator of how close the Jets are to suffering another ultmate self destruction. Right now, Ed is still missing in action meaning the Jets arent giving him enough hope to come back to get his dreams crushed again. But you let these Jets get to 5-2 and you bet that Ed is going to be front in center with that firemen hat resting on his head that might as well be a anvil hanging over it.

3. Ripkowski put the blue collar on the color rush whites & showed what it truley meant to make your opponet wait for the other shoe to drop.

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Other people thoroughout history who have played barefoot include jesus. See where there was only one set of footprints? Thats were I was racing downfield to maintain lane credibility on my tackling assignment.

4. I call him OdeLLLL Beckham, Jr folks. A truly great receiver should be less concerned with popping there fingers out of a socket, and more focused on popping them IN to one so that they can remain electric. But these current guys care more about R&B than AC/DC not that this shoud be a shock. I shutter to think the type gang signs Odell could make with a dislocated finger allmost like a rookie of the year type situaton where a freak injury gives him all the tools to be the best sign languager of all time while making one-handed grabs. I’m still unconvinced that the boat hangover is over and I’m suppose to believe that Beckhams game disapearring the instant he floats into the Bermuda triangle is just a coincidence? I’m sorry but if you believe that then your the reason they print the word “trusting” next to “naive” in the dictonary. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

5. I dont know what were going to do when we lose Eli, Big Ben, and Philip Rivers all at the same time but in a ideal world they would all go to the same retirement home and compete verse each other in stuff like shuffleboard, tennis, and screaming at well intentoned staff who are just trying to help. Rivers was in rare form yesterday screaming at officials, teamates, and insects who happen to be in the general vicinity of his helmet all at the same time while futily trying and failing to come back from a one-score deficit. The big story of the day was how the StubHub center was filled to the 20,000 person max with Philadelphia fans which demonstrate’s the one true problem with having a team in LA- the fans out west are TOO passionate about football. Its unfair to the Chargers to have to compete with every other fanbase in a towns thats absoluteley bonkers about football. LA is filled with a disproporatnate amount of sports fans and not enough sports players to accomodate them- too many athletic supporters, not enough jocks.

6. Sean McVey is doing a exellent job with Jeff Fishers players. For as much flak as LA is taking for not providing a good enough home-filed advantage- traveling to Dallas and Jerry Jones’ stadium- a big glitzy, glamourous mecca of overhyped mediocre entertainment- is a type of enviroment that is basicaly a home game for Los Angeles. Could be issues moving forward with Dak Prescot who seems to be destined for Hollywood himself since his sequel is not as good as the orignal.

7. I am offically pleased to announce the Jared Goff for league MVP bandwagon is now open for business. He has 7 TDs and just 1 INT but more importantly he is 3-1 and as of press time, has the most wins in the NFC. Perhaps the most impressive thing he did yesterday was pulling off the jersey/helmet missmatch atrocity that the Rams were wearing. Folks I havent seen a guy make a whitehead pop like that since Norv Turner.

8. Justin Timberlake is making his triumphent return bringing sexy back to the NFL Superbowl halftime show 13 years after taking Jane Jacksons top off in a touching tribute to Ezekial Elliot. Fortunateley the league has made leaps in bounds when it comes to their image regarding sexual assaults by there superstars so the timing was finally right.

9. With all thats going on in our divided nation at least we can forget about all the poltics, controversy,& allegations of racism to watch the Redskins play the Chiefs.

10. Shout out to Kirk Cousins who will be playing tonite just a mere 48 hours after he delivered his first child into this world with the help of his wife. Am I the only one who thinks that having a baby before a MNF game is too much of a look-at-me move- not necesarily for Kirk but for his new son Cooper? Like Cooper only came early so he could stay up late on a school night &be the youngest to ever get a Gruden Grinder award. Cooper is a approprate name because he’s got the Redskins over a barrel squeezing every last drop of money out of his contract including health care costs& paternity leave. Say what you want about Tim Tebow but he never missed a practice to see his kid get born which is why he was so cap freindly.

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Whats Shakin In Sports Biz??? Trubisky Time

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The NFL has done it again. Every year they have to find a new way to defeat breast cancer – wether it be through donating 12% of profits as opposed to 11%, or by selling merchandise with a slightly darker shade of pink. But they absoluteley nailed it with the timing this year as the leagues highest profile breast cancer advocate besdies Brian Cushing has been named starting QB of the Chicago Bears.

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I refuse to call him Mitche** on account of you want your QB to be averse to adding Ls next to his name. Instead I call him Stitch Trubisky because hes gonna thread the needle. Stitch has all the intangibles you need including the size. I call him the Big Natural.

Aside from his obvous on-field talent- Trubisky is a walking, talking manogram- a perfect spokeperson for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Where as Glennon would of been a natural spokesperson for pituitary issues, Trubisky screams checkup not checkdown. And for all those immature folks out there who thinks its not cool to have your team leader be so focused on DDs than DBs- I would point you to the master’s of the italian rennaisance, where artists loved breasts so much that its basically all they painted. If Michelangelo were around today he probably would of been too busy hitting on IG models online to worry about wasting his time painting a ceiling specifically designed to keep peoples eyes away from his girlfriends chest.

So congrats to Trubsky, the Bears, but most importantley the NFL who have once again milked breast cancer awareness and likeley save thousands of lives.