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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher(s)

SST

SSTa

AlabamaA former Pickens Academy teacher arrested last year on multiple charges of having sex with at least two students has pleaded guilty to one charge and was sentenced to serve three years in prison.

Charli Jones Parker, 31, entered her guilty plea …

She was first arrested in March, just days before her husband was arrested on the same charges. … [Parker was] the head coach for the girls’ basketball team. She also taught physical education, computers and elementary school.

Her husband, James “Jamie” Franklin Parker, 33, was the boys’ basketball coach, and also a teacher. …

According to court records in the previous cases, she had sex at least 11 times with a student between October 2014 and March 2016. …

The sex acts included sexual intercourse and deviant sexual intercourse, including oral sex, according to a deposition in the case. The interactions took place at Graham Cemetery in Reform, at another location identified only as “red wood building” in Reform, and at the Parkers’ home in Pickensville. …

She was arrested a second time involving a second student.

Jamie Parker was indicted on nine counts of the same charge. Authorities have previously said the victim in Jamie Parker’s case is a former female student.

There are times in your life when you’re whole belief system gets tested. This is one such time.

I was talking to McAfee today and telling him how tough my afternoon was going to be, just because of the Parkers. You know how important the Double Standard is for me. It’s the life’s blood of Sex Scandal Teacher grading. People send me male teachers to grade every once in a while and I always politely explain the distinction that female teachers who seduce their students are cheeky sexual deviants. Male teachers who do it are hideous sexual predators. There’s a difference.

But what do I do when – for the first time in the glorious history of GtNSST teacher, I have a husband and wife team who both do it separately? The answer is, I soldier on. Do the work. And I get through it. Like I told McAfee, he thinks he’d have it easier leaving pro football for blogging and podcasting? He better come talk to me on a day like this.

The Grades:
Looks: To be clear, I am only grading Charli here. Jamie would get F’s all across the board and a ticket to Hell if I was ever going to grade him. Which I am not. It’s hard to believe that the one in the Masters hat and the one in the mugshot are the same woman. Even if she wasn’t exactly a smoke to begin with, that is a real Charlize Theron-in-Monster-caliber reverse makeover. But even if I eliminate the lowest test score, she’s getting at best a
Grade: C+

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: She really hustled her ass off on this one. 11 encounters. Sexual intercourse. Deviant sexual intercourse (I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds like anal to me). Oral sex. Cemetery sex. Barn sex. Home sex. Charli is the camp hopeful who was the first one in the weight room then stayed after practice to get extra work in. All day long that is a
Grade: A

Intangibles: So they didn’t just share a love of education and youth sports. They also had a common interest in sex with their students. It’s rare that you see a married couple have so much in common.
Grade: A

Overall: B Still, fuck you, Jamie Parker. Sicko.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.