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I'm 100% Going To Win The $650 Million Powerball (And Give Dave 0%)

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WSBTV - The Powerball jackpot for Wednesday’s drawing is up to an estimated $650 million, the second-largest jackpot in Powerball history!

The jackpot began rolling June 14 and has rolled 20 times.

Powerball offers two jackpot payment options. You can take the $650 million jackpot prize paid over 29 years in 30 graduated payments, or the cash option, which is approximately $411 million.

Powerball tickets are $2 per play.

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Alrightttt, here we go. I love Powerball SZN. When the buzz starts going around. When people start poking their heads out of the woodwork and get caught in the hoopla. When the normies who don’t usually play the lottery go down to their nearest 7-11 and start buying tickets out the wazoo. That’s what I live for. When the lottery is so high, you have no choice but to buy a ticket. It’s the greatest time of the year. Unfortunately for everyone else though, this is my time. I can feel it deep down in my plumbs. This is the time I finally win it. Every other time I thought I was going to win were all just warmups for this one. I’ve never been more confident of something in my life.

And I want it on record, Dave Portnoy will get NOTHING. Zero. Zip. Nada. He can come to the party though. That I will allow. But he will get approximately 0 dollars and 0 cents of my $411 million. Riggs I’ll give some to. Trent, sure. KBarko, certainly. I’ll even get Caleb a bottle of overpriced champaign. But nothing for Davey Pizzanose.

And oh yeah, very important, don’t be an idiot. If there is an office pool, you have to join it. Have to. You can’t take the chance that your office wins the lottery and everyone besides you quits. You’d have to put a bullet in your brain if that happens. So just pony up the $20 and don’t live with regret the rest of your sad, miserable life.

PS: Remember when the lottery went to over a BILLION dollars last year? Insanity. I just want to win this lotto tonight, build my own waterpark/real life Golden Eye level/never have to worry about anything again. I even texted my mom for the good karma and said if I win I’d toss her 20 mil. Her response is golden.

So good luck my amigos, but this one is mine.