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Let's Rank The Best Foods To Eat Out Of The Stanley Cup

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Nick Bonino had his day with the Stanley Cup yesterday. I guess when you win the Cup two years in a row, you can afford to have a more low key time with it the second time around. So Bonino brought it home and had some mom’s spaghetti out of it for dinner.

Seems a bit messy and still no word on whether or not the Cup is dishwasher safe. Regardless, when it comes to meals to eat out of Lord Stanley’s Cup, spaghetti is definitely up there as one of the best. Maybe sprinkle some hot pepper flakes on there for an extra kick, chuck a couple of meatballs into the mix and you’ve got yourself quite the tasty treat. But is it the tastiest treat to ever be consumed out of the Cup? I didn’t not go to journalism school to just not find out. So now it’s time to do a little investigative reporting here and rank the best food to eat out of the Stanley Cup. Of. All. Time.

5. M&M’s or Skittles or whatever these are

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It’s a decent idea in theory. Kind of like everybody’s grandmom who has that dish of hard candies on the living room table that always has those strawberry candies in there that I’m pretty sure you’re not even legally allowed to buy until you turn 65. But then you think about how many M&M’s or Skittles you can fit in the Cup. That’s obviously more than just a one-man job. Then you think of how many peoples’ grimy hands are going to be rummaging through the Cup and for that reason, I’m out. Plus there’s a high spill probability to factor in there.

4. Ice Cream 

Here’s the thing about ice cream. There are people out there in this world who think that it’s acceptable behavior to share one giant bowl of ice cream. Which is preposterous, to say the least. The moment the ice cream starts to melt a little bit it’s like you’re sharing a bowl of milk. Fucking disgusting. But you fill up the Stanley Cup with ice cream and unless you are completely alone, you’re not getting out of there without having to share. So like the Skittles, good idea in theory but not very practical.

3. Spaghetti 

Nobody is going to try to share a bowl of spaghetti with you so you’re good to go on that front. Spaghetti is delicious so you’re good to go on that front as well. Realistically, the only reason why spaghetti isn’t a little higher on this list is because I don’t think there’s anybody in the world who is good enough at eating spaghetti to not get sauce on their clothing at least 65% of the time. Quite infuriating.

2. Cereal

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Very few foods are as versatile as cereal. I’m a big cereal for breakfast guy. A big cereal for lunch guy. An even bigger cereal for dinner guy. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been weeks in my life where my diet consisted of roughly 75% cereal. There’s a reason why so many guys start their day with the Cup with a bowl of cereal. Up until just recently, it reigned supreme as the #1 meal to eat out of that son of a bitch. 3 feet tall. 35 lbs. Over 100 years old. The Stanley Cup is the greatest cereal bowl ever constructed.

1. Hot Dogs

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Pretty self-explanatory here. Not sure if the hot dogs alone would be enough to hold the #1 spot on their own. But when they’re Kessel Dogs? Those are going to stay #1 for the rest of eternity. That is, of course, until the Flyers finally win the Cup again and Nolan Patrick eats some damn cheesesteaks out of it.

P.S. – Alcohol is actually the real winner here but I just didn’t want to have to deal with any of you nerds out there trying to get all technical with me and say that beer isn’t a food.

@BarstoolJordie