Advertisement

Am I A Huge Pussy Because I'm Terrified To Look At The Solar Eclipse Today?

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.02.12 AM

I wish I could tell you that I’m a real man’s man and you can catch me this afternoon, standing in the street, defiantly staring into the sun with all the chest-puffed bravery of that statue of the little girl on Wall Street. But that’s simply not the case. I’ve fallen victim to the constant stream of mainstream media members telling me that it’s apparently dangerous to stare into the sun for even a single second and I’m now convinced that if I look my face will melt right off like I just opened the Ark of the Covenant. I’m honestly really scared about it and I’m warning friends not to look too. Yeah, calling friends to warn them about something I saw on the news that is very common knowledge, like I’m a grandparent or something. It’s just too risky to fuck around with if you ask me. Going blind would SUCK and going blind because you wanted to look at the sun and pretend to be a badass would double suck. Imagine that? Imagine actually losing your vision because you were standing with friends and said “Hey the eclipse is happening, I want to see it even though everyone warned me it’s dangerous” then looked up and your retinas just got fried? I’m scared to walk into a room without first reaching in and flicking the light on, I can’t risk losing my sight over something like this. So if you’re gonna look without a pair of super high-tech cardboard glasses then congratulations, you’re more of a man than I. I’ll be in a dark room afraid to even go outside, lest I accidentally happen to look up during the eclipse.