Is This Naked Woman Legally A Fish After Biting A Fishing Line In Half And Swimming Away With The Lure?

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St. Johns County deputies arrested a woman after she bit a man’s fishing line and swam off with his lure, according to a police report. A fisherman told deputies that 22-year-old Alexandria Turner appeared to be intoxicated when she swam up to his fishing line and cursed him out.

She bit the line and swam away with the rigging, according to the police report.

She refused to let deputies handcuff her and screamed, “I’m (expletive) naked!” several times, the report said.

There are not many times that I wish I would have gone on to law school after it took me 11-years post high school to graduate from college, but this is one of those times. I’m not a lawyer, so I don’t feel comfortable weighing in on if Alexandria is a fish or not.

Alexandria is definitely a fish, though. Let’s take a look at some of the elements of the case.

1. She was naked in the water. I have never seen a fish with clothes on. I would love to see a tuna wearing a tuxedo but that’s just a lifelong dream that I won’t bore you about with the details. You see, the tuna would be wearing a tuxedo. Passersby would always wonder how a tuna could swim in the water but his clothing could remain dry as a bone. Spoiler alert: he uses a high-end scotch guard. I can’t remember the name of it.

2. She bit the line in half. I’m not a fisherman but that seems tough. Sometimes when I get new clothes, I’ll bite the little piece of plastic that holds the tag on the shirt. My mom always told me that it’s bad for my teeth but I’m not gonna live my life like some little bitcc who is scared to cut a tag off his shirt with his chompers. If biting the tag from my shirt makes me a hardo, then so be it. I’m fucking sick of that rumor anyway. Yes. I bite the tag off my clothes. Feels good to get that off my chest.

3. She swam away with the lure. I can’t think of any other animal that swims away with a lure after they’ve gotten loose. Maybe a turtle. Or an alligator. Could be a shoe too now that I think about it. But a shoe doesn’t swim. It just kinda floats down with the current. Alexandria swam though.

Naked. Biting a line in half. Swimming with the lure. She’s a fish and therefore not subject to the laws of man and must be released from custody at once or I’m calling PETA. I hate when animals are mistreated!