Are The Oilers Going To Get Fucked By The Long Dick Of The Salary Cap? An Investigative Report

Edmonton Oilers v Anaheim Ducks - Game Five

The Edmonton Oilers ran into a little bit of an issue today. Turns out those dumbasses sucked so much ass for so long, that they actually got too good now. Turns out that when you get a top 3 draft pick every year for a decade, eventually you end up with a duo like Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl. The best duo in the NHL last year with McDavid clocking in at 100 points and Draisaitl potting in 77 points of his own. In case you skipped 1st grade math, that’s 177 total points from kids who are 20 and 21-years-old respectively. “Not a big deeeeeaaalllllll” – Ryan Whitney.

However, it is a pretty big deal since the Edmonton Oilers are finally running into the problem that the Chicago Blackhawks have been dealing with for years. What happens when a decade of irrelevancy ends up gifting you two very good hockey boys sent from the hockey gods above and now you’re forced to pay up? The Blackhawks hand to deal with that when they gave Toews and Kane matching $10.5M contracts. The Oilers already re-signed McDavid earlier this summer at a generous $12.5M AAV contract for 8 years. And yesterday, the other shoe dropped when they re-signed Draisaitl for a matching 8 years at $8.5M AAV. Just like the Blackhawks, that’s $21 million locked up in just two players alone.

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So as it stands right now, the Oilers have a little over $8 million to play with. That’s because Connor McDavid still has to finish out the last year on his ELC before that ~$11.6M pay bump kicks in. So if there was ever a year to go all in and try to pick up a free agent on a 1-year deal to win the Cup, this is the year (cough, cough, Jaromir Jagr, cough, cough). And if it’s not a free agent, then they have to pick up somebody big by the trade deadline. This is the last year the Oilers will ever have in the McDavid era that they have some wiggle room with their cap situation so they have to take a shot at the Cup while he’s still on his ELC.

And after this year? Well… just take a look at that lineup of forwards. Mark Letestu? Gone. Jussi Jokinen? Gone. Not re-signing Mark Fayne next summer will take $3.625M off the cap so maybe that allows them to try to work something out to keep Maroon since he seems to play a big role on the team.Ryan Strome? Guess we’ll see how he plays this year but if he’s gone, that means trading Jordan Eberle was a pure cap decision. So as you can see, the Oilers have to clear all that space just to afford McDavid + Draisaitl. That’s not even taking into consideration when Puljujarvi and Caggiula and Darnell Nurse are off their entry level deals. After that, the rest of the team needs to be stocked with unpaid interns.

So like I said, the Oilers need to do everything they can to win a Stanley Cup this year because it’s the only year that’s going to be easy for them to make some moves. After that, Chiarelli is going to have to try to find ways to keep getting creative like Stan Bowman. Which–if you know anything about Peter Chiarelli–is like trying to ask MySpace Tom to get on the same brain wavelength as Zuckerberg.

P.S. – In no way am I saying the Oilers overpaid for Draisaitl or for McDavid. They’re both studs who earned those contracts and obviously the cap hit won’t be as bad in a few years when the cap continues to climb. Anybody who watched Leon Draisaitl play ice hockey last year knows that he’s worth $8.5 million.