It Is With A Heavy Heart That I Announce That An Australian Woman Has Shit On The Bus

A bus full of commuters has been left horrified and disgusted after a woman pulled down her pants and defecated on a seat.
In a video shot from the back of the Melbourne bus, the woman wearing a beanie was seen bending forward towards the aisle, apparently relieving herself on the seat.
Horrified passengers immediately called out the woman, who protested that she ‘couldn’t help it’.

Sad to see our friends down under behaving this way. This is Lemony Snicket city: a series of unfortunate events, indeed. Imagine being this older woman. You have been waiting and waiting for the number 4 bus. You’ve seen the number 5 bus go buy three times and you are half a second from riding the number 2 bus all down your britches. Sad.

You finally get on your damn bus and low and behold, you still gotta fuckin poop! You’re either gonna smash that button in the aisle or blow out your yoga pants like a onesie in a carseat. “What button, Chaps?”


**Extremely Australian voice**

“What am I gonna tell my children, mate? That was a wiley proper shit you took, ya? Grimy one. Bloody mess, if you ask me. Cryin shame, lass. Talkin bout poop, miss.”

I dunno. Tell little Mitch the Bitch to shut his damn mouth. Accidents happen on public transit. You can either pull yourself by the bootstraps or walk your pouty ass home. Life is real and so is the temporary loss of control of one’s digestive tract.

PS. “I dont care about your child” are the truest words anyone has ever spoken immediately after shitting on the bus. Just raw honesty.