Advertisement

Alabama Court Declares Anti-Sex Scandal Teacher Laws Unconstitutional

SST

SourceAn Alabama teacher accused of having sex with two of her students succeeded in having her charges thrown out on constitutional grounds, Morgan County Circuit Judge Glenn Thompson confirmed Thursday.

Carrie Witt was facing potential prison time for allegedly having sex with two students between 16 and 19 years old while she taught at Decatur High School.

Witt had the two charges dismissed without prejudice, but the state can still refile the charges if done in an appropriate amount of time.

Thompson noted in his ruling that students can consent to sex under state law once they turn 16 unless someone uses a “position of authority” to “coerce, groom, or otherwise obtain the illegitimate consent of the alleged victims.”

It’s morning again in America.

As our great nation has marched forward, trying to prove that the Great Experiment that is constitutional democracy can endure, there have been days like. Days that prove that whether you’re Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative, whether you like the sitting President or the Congress, we are still a nation of laws, not of men.

And so it is declared. The right of a horny, sex crazed middle aged woman to trade in her career for a few moments of fumbling sex with one of her teenaged students has been codified into law. It’s now a right. As constitutionally protected as free speech, freedom of religion, the right to keep and bear arms, to own other human beings, trial by jury, the vote, to drink sweet, sweet alcohol. All of it.

And like all such days, we all win. Not just the thousands of young men who get their V-cards swiped by their teachers every year. Not just the teachers who get a respite from their dull, sexless marriages. And (if you’ll allow me the humblebrag) America’s foremost grader of Sex Scandal Teachers. We all benefit.

Someday, Carrie Witt’s name will be remembered alongside the great pioneers of Sex Scandal Teachering. Your Pam Smarts, Deb Lafaves and Mary Kay Letourneaus. Because while she doesn’t have their looks or stories, she’ll always be the one who stood up for the basic rights of SSTs everywhere and broke the bonds of oppression forever. Like the Rosa Parks of depraved educators. So on behalf of a grateful nation, thank you, Carrie Witt. Free at last, free at last. Thank god-a-mighty, SSTs are free at last!

@jerrythornton1