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Dennis Smith Jr. Saying Phil Jackson Forced Him To Eat Octopus Tentacles At A Pre-Draft Dinner Is Such A Ridiculous Yet Believable Story

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NYDN- Before Phil Jackson passed on perhaps the most exciting prospect of the 2017 rookie class, the Knicks president encouraged Dennis Smith Jr. to eat an exotic delicacy. “We went out to some restaurant and they had me eat some octopus, like an actual octopus tentacle,” Smith Jr. told the Daily News. “First time ever. I wasn’t going to try it, honestly. They kind of put the pressure on me to do it.”

Going out to dinner with someone that may hire you is always a tough spot. It’s not as formal as an interview because beers and mozzarella sticks may be placed in front of you at any moment. But it’s also not just a typical trip to a restaurant. You always have to be on your game when dealing with your potential future boss. I still remember the first time I met Pres in person. I was real nervous. I didn’t even know Dave read any of my blogs during my year as a part-timer, let alone knew who I was before KFC said he wanted to meet about expanding my role at Barstool. And as any Stoolie knows, Dave doesn’t pull punches. If he doesn’t like you or if he thinks you are a Nazi, he is going to tell you to your face. Anyway, we met up at a bar right around the corner from where HQ ended up being to have a few beers and talk about potentially joining the pirate ship. Since we were talking so much, I didn’t even get to look at the menu and the waiter was clearly getting fed up. I blindly ordered a beer which turned out to be a Nantucket beer and the rest is mediocre blogging history. Now would I have gotten the job if I didn’t eeny meeny miney mo a Nantucket beer? I like to think so. But I’m really not sure. I just know that I am very happy I ordered that beer.

Which is why I can’t even fathom what Dennis Smith Jr. must have been thinking when he was out with the Zen Master. Imagine meeting Phil Jackson in person after he said he was thinking about trading Kristaps Porzingis because he skipped a fucking exit meeting? Anyone that is older than 70 and has millions of dollars is a wild card at any time. Those dudes are always the scariest villains in movies.

And we don’t know if Smith was the player that was working out for the Knicks when Phil allegedly took a snooze. But if it was, that definitely could get into his head. Regardless, you know this meal was definitely the early bird special because if not that old son of a bitch was definitely passing out in his ossobuco. Phil probably figured if you will eat some gross shit like octopus tentacles on his recommendation, you will run the offense that became the punchline on the endless conveyer belt of jokes the Knicks franchise was under Jackson. The reason Trump shoved that meatloaf down Chris Christie’s gullet a few months back (Source: here, here, here, here, here, and here) wasn’t because the meatloaf was that good. It’s all about being the Alpha. Based on Phil’s quotes over the years, he clearly has a hell of an ego. After listening to Phil spout the nonsense he did the last 3 years, I wouldn’t be shocked in Phil beat his dick while wearing his championship rings, no matter how much chafing occurred.

I just hope Dennis Smith didn’t eat that octopus because under no circumstances can you take fancy food recommendations from a guy that willfully rides the bus in New York City, no matter how much money he has in the bank.

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Also you can convince me that the Knicks drafted Frank Ntilikina because he ate whatever the Knicks placed in front of him at his pre-draft dinner. I’m convinced French people will put anything in their mouths if it’s at a 5 star restaurant or in the bedroom. I’ll still never forget Brenda and Donna eating brains at the restaurant in Paris during the one season I actually watched 90210. Life altering shit.