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A Bear In Colorado Stole A Car And Then Took A Big Dump In The Driver's Seat

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NYP- He’s (slightly) smarter than the av-er-age bear! A bear broke into an SUV and took it for a joyride in Colorado — before crashing it, trashing the interior and pooping inside, according to new reports. “It would have taken a human being hours to do what this bear did in a couple minutes,” said Ron Cornelius, who found the car after the animal mowed down his mailbox, told the Durango Herald. The bear hijacked the Subaru from Cornelius’ neighbor early Friday — likely releasing the parking brake and causing the vehicle to roll down the driveway and crash into a utility box and the mailbox, the paper reports. The ruckus woke Cornelius and his wife and they dashed outside to find the totaled SUV and called 911, fearing humans were still inside. The couple didn’t see the bear, but they did find the steering wheel and radio ripped out, the back window broken — and tell-tale bear poop left behind, they told the paper.

Live look at this bear in that car after ripping around town

HOW IS THERE NOT VIDEO?! HOW?! It’s 2017, people. Anything and everything is caught on a smart phone nowadays but you’re telling me a fucking bear can take a fucking car on a fucking joy ride and everybody misses it? And not even a picture of the giant bear shit? That’s bullshit. We gotta be so much better than that. That bear now owns that car now by the way. no ifs, ands or buts about it. His name might not be on the title or the insurance but his shit is in the driver seat and that’s as legally-binding as it gets. The owners could take that car to Mars and the bear would still track them down, likely rip them limb from limb and take the car back. Poop on something and it’s yours. That’s true in the animal kingdom and it’s true on the human kingdom.