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How About This Guy Drunk Driving Into The Upper Darby Police Station Because "It's The Safest Place"?

UPPER DARBY, Pa. (WPVI) — It was a bizarre series of incidents involving an alleged drunk driver at the Upper Darby, Pa. police station. It happened early Wednesday morning. Police say 44-year-old Sean McCullough drove through the gates of the station and, when confronted by officers, allegedly admitted to being DUI. Officers then say they tried to give McCullough a field sobriety test, but he allegedly told them he was “too drunk for that.” According to police, McCollough said he came to the police station because “it was the safest place.”

The land of Delco shining through once again! At least he’s not exactly wrong. One would assume the police station should be the safest place around. Also, points for honesty saying point blank he’s “too drunk for that” when asked to do a simple field sobriety test. You know, that cognitive and physical assessment that judges if you can do such difficult tasks as “Walking a straight line” and “Touching your nose”. This Havertown beauty was too drunk to even ATTEMPT to accomplish those olympic feats. He probably should be ashamed of himself. Only 14 beers? A real Delco could look sober and plow through a menial job and pointless life 40 Delco Lagers deep all day, ever day. Respect the heritage, Sean.

The funniest part is not even the Upper Darby Police Station is considered THAT safe. Remember this Mad Dumper?

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Think about how much time how the honorable Mr. Higgs lite up, drop his pants, crap, then become the Picasso of feces in a police station. Is Carlen Higgs have the powers of Quicksilver from X-Men and is able to slow down time to become the Mad Dumper of Delco? Because this doesn’t happen in real life. Hell, it doesn’t even happen in fake life. I can’t whip out one set of bloody knuckles in GTA at a police station wihtout getting bumrushed by a gaggle of cops. Not the best response time for a threat in your own living room, Upper Darby PD. So, yeah, not exactly the safest spot to be.

BONUS RECENT UPPER DARBY MAGIC:

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h/t @sschuler33