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The Phillies Nickname Uniforms For Players Weekend Are U-G-L-Y

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PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — The Phillies will play the Cubs at Citizens Bank Park during the first ever “Players Weekend” from August 25th to 27th. The players will be wearing different uniforms and the players will have nicknames on the back. Players will also be able to customize their cleats and bats throughout the weekend.

Ah, yes. Players Weekend. Kind of like “Fan Appreciation Night”, but it lasts for multiple days and glorifies millionaires who play a game for a living. OK. It’s not that bad of a change. But at least whip out better uni’s than these Eggnog colored mutations. Or maybe it’s the nicknames that grind my gears so much. And they’re not even that bad. It’s just the Phillies stink so much I don’t even feel like they deserve individual nicknames. Granted they’ve had some moxie in them lately. And by moxie I mean they’ve improved enough to the point they’re (almost!) no longer the worst team in the Majors at 41-69. Still, it seems these nicknames don’t hold a candle to the likes of The Man, Dutch, Nails, J-Roll, The Big Piece, and Mitchy-Poo, to name a few. I suppose it has to do with success. Once these Phillies are back on the right track come 2029, “Knapp Time” won’t have a forced ring to it. Also, Step OFF of Whitey, Andres Blanco. Yes, I am aware Blanco in Spanish literally translates to white. But this is the Phillies, not ‘Nam, Andres. There are rules. The nickname of Whitey belongs to one one man and one man only. Don’t tread on Richie Ashburn.

Maybe it’s simply not hearing the names announced by the great Harry Kalas that’s leaving a rough sound in the ears. Having HK call Compa’s, Totino, and Nicky Dubs walk up to the plate would be one hell of a magical listen.

PS – FYI: Nicknames for some former Phils still in the league – Chase “Silver Fox” Utley, “Chooch”, and Joe “How Am I Still In The Fucking Show?” Blanton.