If The Dick Jokes Are Any Indication, The Eagles Are Going To Be The Best Team In Football This Year

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Everybody knows it’s Mount Rushmore season. And what that means is that there’s absolutely nothing going on in the world of sports from the end of the Stanley Cup Final to the start of the next NHL season. Or, I guess for you heathens who aren’t hockey fans, the end of the NBA Finals to the start of the next NFL season. We’re almost out of Mount Rushmore season but we still have a few more weeks to push through. And it’s teams like the Philadelphia Eagles who make the dead season in the sports calendar go by a little quicker. Because for the Birds, this whole offseason has just been one big dick joke.

First there was Long Cox.


Next up they must have caught something from a chick in South Philly because there was Long Greene Johnson.


And now they’re practicing without Cox, Smallwood and Johnson. Rainy Monday before the first preseason game? It’s like a gift from the sports god above. Go ahead and name another team in the NFL with more dick joke ammunition at their disposal? I’ll wait. Oh yeah, that’s right, you can’t.

Football is a game of inches. 4-5 inches to be exact. Erect. Football is a grower, not a show-er. Sure, maybe to simpletons the game is won on the field. Maybe you need an elite level defense or an elite quarterback or elite receivers or what have you. But this is an elite dick group. And there’s no stopping that. I’ll see you all in Minneapolis.