If You Don't Fuck With Delilah The Radio DJ/Therapist Then I Don't Fuck With You


Luckily, that means I fuck with almost everyone on earth according to last night’s Twitter responses.

This summer I’ve been taking a lot of what we call “summer Fridays,” a term I just invented, which is to say that I do not come in on Fridays at all. Refuse to do it. Won’t be tricked into it. Every man has to draw a line in the sand and I’ve drawn mine at five day workweeks during the summer solstice. Dave’s usually not there anyway so no one fuckin’ snitch, he probably doesn’t even know.

Leaving on Thursday nights is actually pretty easy and the best part about it is my soothing drives with Delilah. Frankly, I’d forgotten she was alive or ever a thing, really. I’d forgotten until I started doing late night drives through Connecticut, hit the seek button one evening, and heard that soothing but also sexually exciting voice. For more than two months now my favorite part of getting out of NYC for the weekend has been the Delilah Drive on Thursday night.

She’s just the best in the business. She’s the best therapist (not a real therapist) and also the best DJ going. She’ll get a call, give them the most outstanding love advice you’ve ever heard, and then drop a perfectly complimentary beat right after they hang up. She’s a sommelier. As they know how to pair wines and foods, Delilah pairs songs and emotions. When the call starts winding down I’ll start saying, out loud, “Oh man what do you have on deck Delilah?” and then when an impeccable beat kicks in I celebrate like that Pats just won the Super Bowl. “YOU DID IT AGAIN, D! YOU DID IT AGAIN!” I think I cried three times on the car ride home last night. Three times, John? Really? Yeah, really, you fucking doubter. Teared up, at the very least.

I’m so glad to have rediscovered Delilah this summer and cannot wait for Christmastime. Christmas is Delilah’s Super Bowl and she’s the most clutch athlete of a generation.

PS – This reply cracked me up because I was the same way. Just thought I lived in a town of people who could not hold onto a lover.

PPS – Delilah followed me and I’m gonna try like hell to get her on KFC Radio. Feel like that would be something like Always Sunny when the gang gets analyzed or when they try and give Frank an intervention. We like to give advice on our show but bring in a real expert and they’re gonna be horrified by our tactics.