Shaq Casually Dropped A LaVar Ball Diss Track On A Quiet Friday Afternoon
LaVar walking into the recording studio like
Look at The Big Aristotle dropping knowledge like it’s 2001 all over again! I had become so bored with Shaq getting circles run around him by Sir Charles counterpunches on Inside The NBA that I forgot he could drop a great diss track if given the proper motivation. And I guess LaVar Ball calling out Shaq and his son brought Kazaam back out the damn lamp The Diesel back into the rap game. The “Penny love me, Kobe hate me, DWade ain’t tell me Pat Riley was gonna trade me line” was great and I’m pretty sure this is the first ever diss track that mentioned Gail Goodrich and Erick Dampier in the same verse. And Jeff Malone getting hit with some stray ether as an innocent bystander had to have him feeling like McNulty.
Make no mistake about it though, Shaq may be polite with some of those lyrics at the end about LaMelo, but The Daddy cuts LaVar’s knees out where it hurts. LaVar can talk about beating someone in basketball knowing that he’ll never have to face Shaq. You learn about talking shit while being a moving target Day 1 in wrestling heel school. LaVar knows damn well this is what would happen if he ever played Shaq.
However, being a Big Baller is what powers LaVar Ball like the sun does Superman. LaVar talks about being a baller from whatever NBA and endorsement money Lonzo has made as well as the shirts they sold that were probably made by LiAngelo in the Big Baller Basement. Shaq is filthy fucking rich from the NBA and for being a spokesman for companies that like Pepsi and Reebok for decades. LaVar can talk about being a Big Baller and all that nonsense. But Shaq can be about it. I wouldn’t be surprised it Shaq bought a spaceship just because he wants to show off. Even in this song, Shaq is shouting out The General and Icy Hot. And you knowwwww Shaq made sure his beak would be wet before releasing the track.
Also I never thought I’d be a coworker with someone mentioned in a Shaq diss. Shout out to Michael Rapaport getting the last line in the song even though Shaq completely butchered his name just to make a rhyme. Rapapwah one time for me, Diesel.
Now we wait for the greatest showman in sports to respond with whatever flow he may have. If his rap game is as good as his shit talking game and dancing game, LaVar may have a chance to actually beat Shaq.
Or maybe it’ll be a tag team response, because Lonzo drops fire.
Or maybe just maybe Lonzo turns on his dad WWE style now that he wears the purple and gold. A LaVar, LaMelo and LiAngelo matchup against the O’Neals and Lonzo would be Must Watch every time. Yeah it seems ridiculous, but Shaq just wrote a diss about the dad of the Lakers first round pick/savior. The ridiculous train left the LaVar Ball station months ago. Regardless of what happens though, I can’t fucking wait (unless Shaq does that annoying thing where he beats a joke into the ground. Then I definitely can wait).
Obligatory Kobe Tell Me How My Ass Tastes video. Still the most vicious NBA diss song ever and it’s not even CLOSE. The Hit’em Up of its genre.