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Bunch of Businesses Are Giving Away Free Food and Drinks Because In Case You Haven't Heard, It's Cold Outside

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Have you heard about the weather? The USA is one giant igloo at this point. Definitely not too damn hot for a penguin to be walking around. So a bunch of places are giving free food or drinks to try to get people to be a hero and leave their house. I know a guy with two thumbs who won’t be doing that. Earlier today I tried to do the boiling water turning to snow trick. Thought it would be a wacky bit. I ended up splashing the pot of water straight into my face. So that burned a little. I tried again and it sort of worked except I failed in recording it and it’s about 20 degrees too warm for it to really work anyway, so now I just have a shit ton of ice on the front walk.

PS: if you leave your house in 0 degrees to say “sugar vortex” to get a cupcake, just swandive off a bridge.