WINDY BOMB: Kyrie Irving Has Reportedly Asked The Cavs To Trade Him

WINDY FROM THE CLOUDS!!! As all the NBA writers at ESPN are probably trying to fight off the Woj Bomber, our boy Windy gets a scoop from the one team he actually has a real inside track for. This is a big W for big men that cover their local NBA teams.

This is also great news for NBA fans that were fiending more action after the draft and the meat of free agency ended. Kyrie being traded to every team under the sun will be rumored nonstop. Every emoji tweet and social media follow will be criticized like a crime scene. The NBA offseason is back baby!

And the best part about it is that LeBron apparently had no idea Kyrie wanted to leave.

While LeBron was shooting eye emojis at Sixers players and attending Lakers Summer League games, Kyrie was looking to jump ship to avoid the early days of his career when the Cavs were pre-slipper Cinderella that cleaned up 24/ and spent her free time talking to fucking mice. The Cavs are about to turn into a pumpkin again once LeBron leaves and Kyrie knows it.

And the inevitable LeBron subtweet or subinstagram that comes will make #StayMe7o posts seem uplifting and upfront by comparison. If LeBron doesn’t reference Fredo, it is further proof he never watched Godfather 2. As a Stoolie said, Kyrie better avoid any invites on the banana boat.

Speaking of #Me7o, lets connect some dots. Melo and Kyrie played pickup together a few days ago…

And all of a sudden Kyrie is demanding trades. This is food for thought, you do the dishes.

As is the tradition, it is time for Knicks fans to do what they do and dream of the impossible during the summer months (this time it’s a trade instead of free agency though).

That tweet in music form is “Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds. It’s like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush to me.”

…

Wait, what is that?

*Puts ear to Twitter*

Fuck it, I’m all in. Lets go get Kyrie! Watching a guy go from playing with LeBron to the Knicks will be the most fucked up social experiment ever.

Of course Woj had to throw his big ol’ scoop dick around and weigh in.

Why do Eastern Conference stars want to head out West? It’s like they are flies and the Western Conference is the light of the bug zapper that attracts them before the electricity/Warriors kill them. The East is like the third grade for Billy Madison.