New App Could Tell You When Your Armpits Stink To High Hell

Worried your body odour is out of control but suspect your colleagues are too polite to say anything about it? Now there’s an app for that, too.

A Japanese tech company has begun selling a device that allows people to self-test their sweaty exteriors for three categories of smell.

The pocket-sized detector, which looks like a tape recorder, connects by Bluetooth to a smartphone app that divulges the potentially ominous results in a suitably discreet manner.

Konica Minolta, the firm previously best known for producing cameras and printers, believes there is a market for the odour checker in Japan because people are “particularly sensitive to smell”.

There is even a word in Japanese for the behaviour of office workers who annoy others with their noxious aromas – sumehara, or “smell harassment”.

I’m on the record as being aware that I have smelly pits from time to time. It’s stinks! I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried switching up my deodorant to different brands. I’ve tried switching to deodorants that are strong enough for a man but made for a woman. As an aside, I do admit that I like smelling like a cucumber breeze more than I like smelling like a mountain rush. Something about my pits smelling like fresh veggies just makes me feel alive but it is with a heavy heart that I announce that the cucumber smell fades far too quickly as well.

Now, I dont know for sure that I was smelly pits. It could be a situation like when you’re wearing cologne for longer than 20 minutes. Eventually, you cant smell the cologne but everyone else can. Body odor might work that same way. Maybe I smell like cucumbers all day long but just need to carry a cassette recorder looking device to give me that boost of confidence that I need.

“Hey Chaps. What are you doing with that device, pal?”

“Oh. Just shoving this bitcc in my pits so I can be told by a machine if my armpits smell like morning rain or not.”

“Read your blog earlier. I thought you were a cucumber breeze man. What gives?”

“I am, my dude. Ran out so I had to use my wife’s.”

Damn. Stoolies remember everything.