Naked Man Harasses Woman By Pressing His Penis Against A Screen Door And Asking For A Little Help

CAPE CORAL, Fla. – LEE COUNTY, Fla. — A Cape Coral woman claims a naked man began pressing his genitals against her Lanai screen while she sat inside.

According to an incident report from the Cape Coral Police Department, the unknown male was only wearing a baseball cap.

The man allegedly approached the 29-year-old woman’s lanai while she was watching TV Sunday around 10:30 p.m.

The incident report states the man was touching himself then told her, “hey, you think you can help me out?”

“I don’t feel safe; I really don’t,” said one resident, who did not want to be identified.

This is a mistake all around. Not only is it a crime and wrong to show someone your dick without them asking to see it, but pressing your dick against a screen is just silly.

Dicks already look like cartoon characters. Why make them look even worse?

You really think you’re gonna impress a lady by contorting your penis into a lump of dough? News flash: it wont work.

I dont hate the “hey you think you can help me out” line, though. That’s gotta be saved for when you’re in a relationship. I cant tell you how many times I’ve used that in the marriage bed. She obliges like 4 to 7 percent of the time which is p good. Your odds go to zero when you press your junk into a screen door and show a complete stranger. Not only do you not get help, you get charges and a neighborhood watch program started.