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The First Ever Trump, Putin Handshake Is In; Let's Break It Down

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Trump and Putin met today for the first time in person. There was much hype. How would they handle one another? Could Trump keep up with the KGB specialist? Could Putin handle Trump’s big personality? Would they discuss election meddling? Syria? Sanctions? Solving the world’s geopolitical issues?

Whatever. Who cares. We’ve got ourselves a handshake ladies and gentlemen, so we’re here to talk handshake stuff. Let’s go.

The Start:

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Brutal, brutal start for Putin. Tough look. I think he turned Gay Pat on here.

Pretty quick recovery though:

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Yo Trump, ever seen ‘Hitch’? Never go the full 90. An alpha makes him come to you. Strong recovery, Vladdy.

The connection:

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Very standard early connection. Just two men locking eyes, locking grips, and shaking a little hand. Good stuff, gentlemen.

However, VERY quickly, we take a turn towards Donnie Town:

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The under arm cradle! It doesn’t end there…

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…he gives an under arm cradle TAP! And not just one tap… not two taps…. THREE under arm cradle taps! WHAT!? You never see that. Very rare. Very affectionate. Are they fucking? No one can tell for sure, but let me ask you this: when’s the last time you triple under arm tapped someone you weren’t fucking?

The point:

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Diabolical move from Putin. The point? So KGB. What is he pointing at? Should I look? Is it me? Is he pointing at me? Is there something on my suit? Is he pointing at Melania? Where is Melania? Do they have her? God dammit what was I thinking about?

The back tap:

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Much will be made about the back tap but let me be the first to tell you — calm down. Trump back taps everyone. It’s his staple. If you’re freaking out about the back tap you’re a Trump handshake noob and you need to gtfo of here.

And that’s the first Trump, Putin handshake, ladies and gentlemen. Overall a lot of good stuff in a pretty short clip. Not surprising; these are some big names. And nothing catastrophic — Putin’s too savvy to get handshake-dominated like the Shinz? Abes and Mitt Romneys of the world.

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Hopefully we get 2 full days of gold from these two.

PS — Yes they’ve done a more formal one since. Lame — you only get one chance to execute a first handshake.

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