Are We Concerned That People Will Be Jerking It With The Free Sunscreen At Beaches?

Citing Georgia health statistics that show incidences of melanoma increasing at a 2.6 percent annual rate since 2000, the Milton Parks and Recreation Department has installed two free sunscreen dispensers at Bell Memorial Park.

“We know that melanoma rates are on the rise, and one of the ways we can help prevent burning and possible skin cancer is by protecting ourselves with sunscreen,” said Director of Parks and Recreation Jim Cregge.

I’m a huge fan of sun protection. No one preaches the importance of sun protection like I do. Hell, I was rocking a sun shirt all weekend which isnt over, mind you. It’s still the holiday weekend.

I feel bad for the poor folks who are working while it’s still technically the holiday weekend. Look, I for one, will never work on a holiday weekend but look at all of these poor saps who do.

50 percent of people are still out there working. Lol losers. Not us at Barstool. We are closed for the day.

That being said, I’m concerned that the riff raff at local beach spots will be using the sunscreen in order to lubricate their own penises while masturbating. The sexual tension at the beach can often be through the damn roof. Young people with hard bodies strutting their asses through the sand can really get the blood flowing which can cause an erection.

Next thing you know, people are jerking off!

So on one hand, I want people to be protected from the sun, and on the other hand, I don’t want people to masturbate near me. Ugh. This is tough.