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Matt Ryan is Now Doing Commercials About His Historic Failure


If you have even a drop of the milk of human kindness in your soul, you have to feel for Matt Ryan. This poor, downtrodden SOB is still not far along in the grieving process to know what to do with himself. Only a couple of weeks ago he declared he was putting Super Bowl LI behind him and he was never going to think about it again. Now he’s using it to sell sports drinks. It’s a little hard to live in denial of your all-time humiliation when you’re bombarding the television-watching public with it. At least the other people in this thing overcame their adversity. Even the unwrapped mummy that was 2015 Peyton Manning managed to get dragged to a ring by the Denver defense. Ryan has accomplished nothing else but setting a record for failure in his sport that will never be surpassed.

Look, Matty Ice is entitled to address his issues however he sees fit. That’s between him, his therapist and his God. But I don’t see how he can try to move on and then wallow in the misery at the same time just to sell high-fructose corn syrup drinks. When you pass out at a party and wake up in a puddle of your own sick, you try to pretend it never happened or make up lies about having the flu. You don’t post it as your Instagram Story. Unless you’re a real sadist, which maybe he is.

Every time one of the Falcons does anything in public I become more convinced they will never recover from this and a collapse is on the way. Like the Red Sox of the late 80s after losing to the Mets on the Buckner error. “Make defeat your fuel?” Ryan’s making defeat his whole existence. They’ll be lucky to win 7 games this year.