According To Study, Chicago Tops List of Cities With the Most Heartbreak On Valentines Day

(Source) If you’re in a new relationship, this Valentine’s Day will be pretty exciting. Good for you. For the rest of you, this $19 billion holiday is either an expensive load of red, lacy hype or an excuse to wear a dirty bathrobe and eat Ben & Jerry’s all night while watching Titanic and mourning The One Who Got Away. This year, we’re taking the side of the broken-hearted and taking a breather from worshipping at the candy-coated, Pinterest-hyped altar of Valentine’s Day. If you fall into this category this time around, know that you’re not alone. In fact, in many parts of the country, you have a ton of company. Behold our list of the most heartbroken cities.

I’m so confused by this “study”. Since when is heartbreak ghonorrhea and getting divorced when your wife gets fat and gross? That sounds like the exact opposite of heartbreak. Like yeah, peeing fire water probably sucks but it also means you had an awesome time at some point along the way. Do you want a dick disease? No, but if that’s the price of fun then so be it. And 21.3 years of marriage? that’s like the primo spot for when your wife’s tits start to sag and you get no sex right? I would think a divorce at that point is exactly what you should be doing. Toupee, Ferrari and a 23 year old girlfriend. If that’s heartbreak then sign me right the fuck up.