Movie Character NBA Mock Draft 2017: Lottery Edition

Rules:

1. Keep in mind this is in fact a mock draft and not a ‘best of’ list like you might see on some other sites that shall remained unnamed. That means selections are based on team needs and fit and players are never chosen in chronological order based solely on skill set and future success. Just Ask Darko Milicic.

2. No real-life players allowed: AKA the Michael Jordan rule. I doubt Jordan stans will take a break from their LeBron vs. MJ debates long enough to actually read this, but the bottom line is anyone that has portrayed themselves in a movie is ineligible for this draft. HOWEVER, real life athletes turned thespians are more than welcome, just as long as they didn’t portray themselves in their respective motion pictures.

3. Must meet NBA eligibility requirements: The NBA’s current age limit has probably altered the course of many a franchise, and the 2017 NBA Movie Mock Draft will be no different. That means Calvin Cambridge will have to wait until he has some hair on his nuts before he declares. Additionally, characters such as Air Bud and the Monstars will also be ineligible due to their genus and species. I’m pretty sure the NBA has banned canines from competitive play and the Monstars are space invaders from another planet. They belong in a cage at Area 51, not on a basketball court.

1. Philadelphia 76er’s: Jesus Shuttlesworth, Big State University (He Got Game)

Joel Embiid has shown he’s an all star caliber player in limited time and while Ben Simmons hasn’t seen the floor yet, most figure he will be a force to be reckoned with as a 7’0 point guard. Shuttlesworth, the consensus number one player in the draft, should be a nightmare next to Simmons as well given his all around ability on the offensive end of the floor. Somewhere the ghost of Sam Hinke is smiling ear to ear because #TheProcess has finally come full circle.

2. Los Angeles Lakers: Quincy McCall, PG, USC (Love & Basketball)

The Buss family dropped DeAngelo Russell faster than Iggy Azalea dropped Nick Young and are now eyeing their point guard of the future. Cue the big baller with a famous dad who hails from the City of Angels as well. Sound familiar? It’s Quincy McCall. McCall’s father was a star in his own right and the Lakers feel McCall is a guy they can build around due to the pro pedigree and his familiarity with city having grown up in the spotlight. McCall has a troubling history of injuries, but that’s not enough to scare away the Lakers with the no.2 pick.

3. Boston Celtics: Ricky Roe, SF/PF, Western University (Blue Chips)

The Celtics have been searching for the next “great white hope” since Larry Bird hung up his jockstrap following the 1992 season. Some thought Chris Herren would be the guy but that didn’t pan out because heroin, now Roe will get his shot. Boston clearly committed to Isiah Thomas as their point guard by trading away the number one pick and will look to add some scoring on the wing as well as in the post, which Roe should be able to provide right away.

4. Phoenix Suns: Neon Boudeaux, PF/C, Western University (Blue Chips)

Tyler Ulis and Devin Booker could wind up being one of the NBA’s best backcourts sooner rather than later, but the Suns frontcourt still leaves a lot to be desired. Tyson Chandler is older than a triceratops and while Alan Williams, Alex Len, and Marquese Chriss all show flashes of brilliance at times, inconsistent would be a generous way to describe their play last season. The Suns need an anchor in the middle they can build around and Western’s big man is a natural fit with the no.3 pick.

The hype for Boudeaux in Phoenix is so real that fans have already started photoshopping images of him in a Suns uniform. Unreal.

5. Sacramento Kings: Billy Hoyle, PG/SG, Iowa Hawkeyes (White Men Can’t Jump)

The Kings are the polar opposite of the Suns in that their front court is sound as a pound but outside of Buddy Heild their guard situation is an absolute nightmare. Deane is a natural fit here given Sacramento’s propensity for drafting white shooters (see Nik Stauskas, Jimmer Fredette).

6. Orlando Magic: Tracy Reynolds, G/F, Los Angles Knights (Like Mike)

The Magic are at a bit of a crossroads with a new GM and a roster full of decent players but no real superstar. Orlando figures to change that by adding Reynolds who should be able to step in immediately and provide some needed athleticism and scoring on the wing opposite of Aaron Gordon.

Picking sixth is tough because you’re sort of stuck in no man’s land with most of the top prospects gone by pick no.5, but it looks like the Magic were fortunate enough to have got the guy they wanted as evidenced by their offseason wish list.

7. Minnesota Timberwolves: Ty Crane, PF, St. Francis Prep (Coach Carter)

The Wolves are looking to make the jump to one of the NBA’s elite teams and have the young talent stockpiled to do just that. Crane should be able to provide some athleticism at the PF position in relief of Gourgi Dieng.

Jumping back into real life here for a second, who is Ty Crane’s character based off of irl? Coach Carter is a true story based off of their 1999 season, which means whoever it is was obviously a high school standout sometime between 1999-2002. The announcers in the movie describe Crane as the number one player in the country and a sure fire NBA draft pick. The movie takes place in California and the only guy I could find that fits the description from California in that particular time frame is Tyson Chandler, no.2 pick in the ’01 draft. Ty Crane… Tyson Chandler… TC? That makes sense I guess.

8. New York Knicks: Saleh, C, Africa (The Air Up There)

Phil Jackson just loves, loves, LOVES himself a foreigner. Two years ago the Zen Master shocked the world by Taking Kristaps Porzingis but that love affair appears to be all but over. The Knicks will need to replace Porzingis’ length and rim protecting ability, which makes the mountainous Saleh an easy selection at no.8. The big question here is whether or not Saleh will have trouble learning Jackson’s complex triangle offense given his overall lack of basketball experience. I expect Saleh to remain in Africa to refine his game for a year or two before coming over to the states. A classic “year away from being a year away” guy.

9. Dallas Mavericks: Butch McRae, PG/SG, Western University (Blue Chips)

The Mavs don’t have a guard over 6’3” on their roster, but that all changes once McRae steps into the facility and provides some much needed length in the backcourt. McRae’s selection solidifies Western University as the school with the most lottery picks in this year’s draft, NOT the University of Kentucky, which has become par for the course at this point.

10. Sacramento Kings: Sidney Deane, PG/SG, Santa Monica Beach (White Men Can’t Jump)

Once again, the Kings go back to the well and pair Deane with his former running mate Hoyle who they selected with the fifth overall pick. Vlade Divac feels that Buddy Heild will eventually morph into the next Steph Curry and by adding Sidney Deane he hopes they’re adding the next Gary Payton as well.

11. Charlotte Hornets: Kyle Lee Watson, PG, Georgetown (Above the Rim)

Now that team friendly Dwight Howard has taken up residence in Charlotte, the Hornets will look to add guard depth after shoring up things in frontcourt. The Hornets front office was torn between Watson and his long time mentor, Thomas Sheppard, who at this point is much more physical and a more polished all around player, but ultimately Michael Jordan decided to sacrifice experience and go with the young guy if for nothing more than being able to mentally degrade him in practice sessions for years to come.

12. Detroit Pistons: Clarence Withers, PG, Flint Tropics (Semi Pro)

Withers makes the short drive down the road and trades Flint for the cleaner waters of Detroit, Michigan. It’ll should be fun to watch Withers and Head Coach Stan Van Gundy work together as Withers, the inventor of the alley oop

And SVG, the inventor of the “FUCKING WALL”

Are both pioneers in the game of basketball and should produce some exciting results.

13. Denver Nuggets: Elliot Richards, PF, Los Angles Diablos (Bedazzled)

NBA Twitter loves to play the “which players would you build a franchise around?” game and outside of the obvious choices (i.e. Bron, KAT, Giannis, etc.) Jokic could be considered right there at the top of that list. Unfortunately for Denver, that’s about all they have right now. Jamal Murray looks like a rising star and Gary Harris and Danillo Galinari are solid, but far from “I need to go buy that guy’s shirsey RIGHT NOW” players. The Nugs are hoping Richards can stretch the floor and be the Nurkic to their Jokic.

14. Miami Heat: Thomas Sheppard, G/F, Security Guard, New York, NY (Above the Rim)

After being passed on by Charlotte at no.11, the Heat enlisted the services of the older, but very polished Shepard to provide some needed scoring opposite Dion Waiters and Hassan Whiteside. Shepard’s bullish attitude and past clashes with known drug dealers steered some organizations away from him, Miami’s front office is confident that won’t be a problem seeing as Miami is a city with little to no documented drug related activity whatsoever.

@QuineTime