Dried Lizard Dicks Are Being Illegally Sold As Good Luck Charms In India

ABC News- Wildlife investigators from India and Britain said Tuesday they have uncovered an international fraud in which dried penises of endangered monitor lizards are being sold as a plant root regarded as a good luck charm and used in religious rituals. The London-based group World Animal Protection said the dried penises of Bengal monitor lizards and yellow monitor lizards look similar to a rare plant root sought by people who believe it brings good luck. Wildlife authorities conducted raids in five Indian states last month and some raids are continuing, said Neil D’Cruze of WAP. While the plant has all but disappeared from the Indian countryside, wildlife traffickers have been buying the dried lizard penises and fraudulently selling them online, said the Wildlife Trust of India in New Delhi. The two lizard species are on India’s list of endangered animals, said Jose Louies, who investigates wildlife crime control at WTI. During raids in the eastern Indian state of Odisha, several dozen hemipenis, or paired male reproductive organs of the lizards, were recovered, he said.

You know what? Sign me up. I had planned to rip this whole idea apart and say that good luck charms and voodoo and religion are all hooey. You heard me. Hooey. I don’t mean to bring out the big guns but that’s how I originally felt when I saw this article. Straight hooey. But then the more I thought about it the more I realized that dried lizard dicks just might work. In the words of my good friend Robbie Fox, why not? Why wouldn’t the dried dicks of endangered lizards be the real deal when it comes to goof luck charms? It makes just as much sense as rabbit feet and random pennies you find on the street. People who believe in good luck charms are nothing idk not resilient. They’re willing to go to the ends of the earth to find the thing that works. Life is too short to not believe that lizard penises can bring you good luck and good fortune. Fuck it. I’m in. If anybody has the hookup, send me me a lizard dick.

PS- Lizard dicks are pretty weird looking huh?