Kathy Griffin Loses the Support of the All-Important Satan Worship Community


This has to be a new low in the glorious history of celebrity scandals.

Not that I’m here to show support for Kathy Griffin. I mean, in the kingdom of Thorntopia, I’d be all for letting performers perform and we’d judge them on the quality of their work and how entertaining it is and skip the outrage every time something offends us. But we don’t live in that world. When a rodeo clown gets fired for wearing a rubber costume store Obama mask and all the other employees are forced to go to sensitivity training, the ship has pretty much sailed on holding up fake severed POTUS heads covered in stage blood. So I’ll save my precious sympathy for someone who deserves it.

But still, this is a bad beat for Griffin. When you’ve got the Church of Satan disavowing you, that’s a tough one to come back from. These guys probably supported Michael Jackson, Jerry Sandusky, Bill Cosby and Aaron Hernandez, but Kathy Griffin crossed a line the devil worship cults simply will not. When Satanists are saying “Whoa, hold your wad there, everybody. This broad doesn’t speak for us. We might worship and glorify the Prince of Darkness but we’re not monsters,” I don’t see you bouncing back to host New Year’s Eve from Times Square. When you’re little performance art offends the sensibilities of people who commit heresy against the Almighty, reject the Christ, practice dark magic and welcome an eternity of damnation, it’s going to take more to pull out of that tailspin than just a Twitter apology and a crying interview with Matt Lauer.

There’s edgy comedy. And then there’s comedy too edgy for folks who espouse actual human sacrifice. Once you lose that audience, your career is pretty much dunzo. I can’t even say “Burn in Hell, Kathy.” Because the Church of Satan doesn’t want her. Sad!