Famous Water Sommelier Says That If You Think All Water Tastes The Same Then You're Dumb

This guy is an asshole. I’m not sure what makes it most clear: the fact that he’s judging me for my water consumption, the fact that he’s a “water sommelier,” or just the fact that he’s more handsome than I am, but it’s clear he’s an asshole.

But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s 100% correct. If you think all waters taste the same then you’re such an incredible simpleton I can’t even begin to describe it. All waters taste incredibly different. From bottled to the kitchen to the bathroom to the goddamn hose, they might as well be coffee versus a kale smoothie. The taste is different, the texture is different, and you just feel different while drinking it.

For instance if you drink water from the bathroom, you’re a sick freak but if you drink it from the kitchen (my kitchen water is quite light) then you’re a civilized human. If you drink from a Nalgene that you filled with your Brita then it’s absolutely a crisper water but you’re trying way, way too hard. Water drinking isn’t that difficult, don’t make it a whole thing.

Personally, I’m a bottle guy. Yeah yeah I hate the environment, whatever. Much like how coke tastes better out of a glass bottle, water tastes better in a plastic bottle. That’s how god intended it to be consumed, via polyethylene terephthalate that will probably kill a sea creature at some point in the future. It just tastes better like that. It’s more handy, the small mouth prevents spilling, the entire process is just a delight when bottles are in play.

Even different bottles are better, though. The kings are easy to claim: Smart, Voss, and Poland Spring are leaps and bound above everyone else. Dasani is garbage and I’m quite sure that Nestle isn’t even water, it’s all fluoride and it’s disgusting.

So water sommeliers may be stupid idiots who are somehow more pompous than wine sommeliers, but they’re not wrong. If you think water tastes the same then you’re a bigger buffoon than they are.