Busy Sunday night to take our mind off the fact that there wasn’t any real football going on. So let’s hop right in.
I went TV 1 Royal Rumble, TV 2 Grammy’s and flipped back and forth to the Pro Bowl and I have to admit, out of all 3 events, somehow the Pro Bowl was the best of the night.
You had teammates crushing teammates
Sidenote for a second. How awesome would it be to get a peak into Andy Reid’s closet? Probably a mix of the most luxurious track suits known to man and XXXXXL Tommy Bahama shirts. Out of any coach in the NFL he is my number 1 choice to host an episode of Cribs.
Oh we’re not done with teammate on teammate crime. T.J. Ward flips Josh Gordon.
How perfectly Cleveland would it be for the Browns to somehow lose their best player in a decade because he got upended by his own teammate in the fucking Pro Bowl. I’m surprised Josh Gordon isn’t a paraplegic.
Desean Jackson flea flicker was your lone offensive highlight
Otherwise it was a defensive struggle, guess who had the Over and doubled down on the second half over? Of course I did.
Deion Sanders is Captain Greybeard
Oh and the fact that Cromartie’s return didn’t count, Team Rice was -1.5, is an absolute travesty.
Nate blogged about it this morning but ultimately it was one of the worst Royal Rumbles I can remember. No fault on Pittsburgh, that crowd was unbelievable but Batista coming back a week ago and getting a title shot fucking sucks. No Bryan in the Rumble sucked. Punk losing sucked. Everything sucked, and Wrestlemania will most definitely suck. Anyway, here are some highlights.
Road Dogg and Billy Gunn won the tag team match, and Road looks like he should be selling life insurance in Akron Ohio.
Big Ben’s face has somehow gotten fatter.
The Big Show legit died
The Wyatts blindsided Cena
Confession time, I know wrestling is “fake”, but the Wyatt family legitimately scares me to death. If that makes me a pussy, whatever, fine, I don’t really care because they’re terrifying.
As for the actual Rumble, it just wasn’t that great. The number 1 highlight was El Torito
Fucking love that little midget bull
Kofi is athletic as fuck.
JBL had the quickest exit
And that stupid fuck Batista won because Vince is punishing us for something that we did but we don’t know it is.
Here’s what you need to know so you can sound smart around the cute girl in your office you’re trying to fuck.
Pharrell’s hat was OUTRAGEOUS
Jamie Foxx’s daughter is a smoke, and legal.
If this guy can win a Grammy I feel like I at least have a shot.
Definition of sloppy fat.
Poor Stevie Wonder had no idea he was playing music with a couple of robots and a guy wearing a turd ferguson hat.