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Five Guys Took Down In-N-Out Burger As The Best Burger Joint In America

Miami Herald- Bye-bye, In-N-Out. There’s a new king of the hamburger hill. Five Guys has replaced In-N-Out as the top burger joint, according to The Harris Poll’s annual EquiTrend Study. This is the first time Five Guys has been crowned the champ, dethroning In-N-Out, which held the top spot for each of the past two years. Still, the West Coast-based chain dropped just one spot to No. 2.

The study asked respondents to rate brands based on familiarity, quality and how likely they are to consider purchasing its items.

Some light listening music for this blog

Finally order has been restored to this world! While I hate to use a reference old enough to drive a car, I honestly felt like I was taking crazy pills hearing all this In-N-Out Burger hype. As you can tell by my rather large gut, I’m a big burger guy. Some would say a yuge burger guy. And folks,,, let me tell you. After having In-N-Out Burger twice when I visited L.A., I learned that it is as overrated as anything on God’s green Earth. Don’t get me wrong, the burgers are decent, the fries are good, and it’s a solid name. But it’s nowhere near Five Guys or even Shake Shack when it comes to the total package. I guess compared to other burgers in a place as health-conscious as tutti fruitti California, In-N-Out is king. And ordering food off of a “secret menu” makes you feel like you are in some secret society or some shit. But that’s where it stops.

Five Guys is so goddamn far ahead in the burger game it’s crazy. A burger from Five Guys is always hefty as fuck and cooked to perfection. As the kids say these days, it’s the GOAT. Everyone you deal with at Five Guys is a goddamn delight, even in New York City during 100 degree days. There’s something to be said for that. Cracking open and eating peanuts is the perfect way to pass the time to eat a burger. And the fries. Oh Lord the fries. Having a great burger without great fries is like having a good offense in baseball with no pitching. You are doomed before you start. Five Guys however absolutely nails their fries with bonus points for actually putting a half a scoop of fries in every bag. A burger restaurant employing a “every customer gets a shit load of bag fries” policy is the exact type of place that should sit on the throne of Best Burger (even though that greasy bag makes you feel extra terrible about what you are doing to your body). I’m sure there will be plenty of people embracing debate for this blog, but in my fat eyes Five Guys is and will always stay the king.


P.S. Shout out to Wendy’s for having the best burger of all the traditional fast food places. Anyone that tells you that Wendy’s burgers are worse than McDonald’s, Burger King, White Castle, etc. instantly lose any food cred in my eyes and should be reported to the @Wendys Twitter account so that red headed siren can murder them in 140 characters or less. Also not sure how Burger King can keep it’s name after getting shut out of the Top 10. Between this list and Frankie Midnight murdering them on Twitter (while also somehow shouting out BK hot dogs), it’s been a rough week for the King.


P.P.S. Obligatory ridiculous and classic audio of Mike Francesa talking about Shake Shack’s bread being the secret to their burgers.