Advertisement

Woman Breaks Neck Sneezing, Heals, Breaks It Again Laughing About Her Shitty Neck

Screen Shot 2017-05-16 at 3.52.58 PM

NY PostMonique Jeffrey was lying in bed checking emails on her phone early one morning in 2011, when she suddenly sneezed and her neck jolted forward.

As she sneezed, her C1 and C2 vertebrae collapsed and her chin fell onto her shoulder, leaving her hunched over in agonizing pain.

With her husband at work and her newborn baby asleep in the next room, Jeffrey soon realized she couldn’t move her neck. 

She was placed in a neck traction — a manual device that immobilizes the neck muscles and allows them to heal — for 14 weeks and made a full recovery.

But just three weeks ago, she injured her neck again.

“I was at work and I had a bit of a stiff neck. Nothing awful, it was just a little bit sore,” she said.

“I was actually joking around with some colleagues because they were making some inappropriate jokes about how I may have hurt my neck, and I threw my head back and did it again.”

You’ve got to be kidding me. Drink a goddamn glass a milk Monique. The sneezing break I can forgive. Sneezing is involuntary and I’ve definitely had some blasts that nearly led to injury. But to do it again, laughing in response to jokes about how shitty your neck is? Preposterous! She’s the Peyton Manning of motherhood. Get to the gym and do some of those outrageous neck raises. Someone will film you and it will become a meme, but your children will grow up with a mother.

I guess they had to put her in a different device after this most recent spinal explosion:

“My chin was pulled across to the right, so they called an ambulance and now I’m in a neck halo.”

The metal device screws into the skull and stops the wearer from moving their head.

“I’ve had two kids and getting the halo is worse than childbirth,” said Jeffrey, who has to wear the device for six weeks.

“It’s not terminal, I’m going to be fine, but it does suck a bit. You just have to laugh about it.”

No! For God’s sake Monique, don’t laugh! Have you learned nothing? Live a completely somber life. Become Greg Popovich. When allergies and a decent pun could put you in a wheelchair, it might be time to live in a bubble. Keep your chin up though. And completely steady.