Advertisement

Kylo Becoming The Fastest-Growing Name In The U.S. Because Of Kylo Ren Is Some Sad Shit

Kylo-Ren-In-Star-Wars

Independent- Considering Star Wars is one of the world’s biggest cultural phenomenons, it’s no surprise to learn the long-running franchise provides inspiration to parents on the hunt for baby names. That those parents would opt to name their newborn after a villain – and (spoiler) murderer of one of the series’ best-loved characters – comes as more of a surprise. But sure enough, Kylo is the fastest-growing boy’s name in the US. The Social Security Administration has released its annual list and jumping 2,368 spots to 901 is Kylo, the character played by Adam Driver. It ended at 3,269 in 2015. This comes as no surprise to BabynameWizard.com founder Laura Wattenberg who, the Associated Press reports, states that the names of villains are these days more likely to inspire parents than on-screen heroes.

The category’s popular culture-inspired runners up include Creed, Adonis (from Rocky sequel Creed) and Zayn, presumably after former One Direction singer Zayn Malik who is now enjoying a solo career in his own right. As for the girls, the fastest-growing name was Kehlani with experts believing this to be due to the American singer-songwriter.

What the fuck people? Trust me, I understand naming your kid a “different” name after something you love. My daughter is named after a college in the middle of Loudonville, NY because I had the three best years of my life there. I am also on a podcast where one of the hosts has a daughter named after a Beatle and the other has a daughter named after an old ballpark in Queens. But how does any Star Wars fan willfully choose Kylo for their kids name? I mean he

SPOILER ALERT FOR ANY START WARS FAN THAT HASN’T WATCHED THE FORCE AWAKENS BECAUSE THEY JUST WOKE UP FROM A COMA OR SOMETHING

kills his fucking dad. And Kylo kills not just any dad, but motherfucking Han Solo. The 1st or 2nd coolest guy in the entire franchise (depending how you feel on Lando). I’m sure Kylo will become more of a badass as this trilogy continues, but in Episode VII he is just a patricide-committing emo bitch that gets put in his place constantly by friend and foe. If you name your kid Kylo, you deserve to witness the invention of lightsabers only to see your shitty little son put one through your body as your best friend watches your death from a short distance. And after that’s done, you should have to watch Adam Driver have sex with Lena Dunham in Girls multiple times. Name your kid Darth. Name him Heisenberg. Shit, name him fucking Joffrey for all I care. There’s something to be said for a kid with a bad ass name. But if you go with Kylo, I hope your kid murders you in the same ruthless fashion that Kylon Ren murdered Han.

RIP in motherfucking peace you old scoundrel.