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Paying 75 Prostitutes Over The Years To Strip On Your Neighbor's Porch Is Apparently A Crime

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A judge set bail Friday for an Elkhorn man accused of hiring prostitutes to bare their breasts and strip on his neighbor’s porch while he watched from his house across the street.

Douglas Goldsberry, 45, remained in jail Friday. He would have to pay 10 percent of $100,000 bail to be released. Authorities said that since May 2013, Goldsberry had paid women to strip at his neighbor’s house near 185th and Indiana Streets. The Douglas County Sheriff’s Office said he told a deputy that he masturbated from inside his home while watching the stripteases.

Let’s set the record straight. I like a good strip tease as much as the next guy. That’s not what this is about. Dancing naked is actually good.

But, Douglas, my man… why have them strip at your neighbor’s house across the street? In my experience, tits are better up close. The closer the better. I’m not sure what the lot sizes are in Elkhorn but I’d guess they are at least a quarter of an acre. That’s about 104 feet on all sides if the lot is square. Place the house in the middle of the lot and you’re looking at about 45 feet to the road from the front door. The road is about 25 feet across and another 45 feet to the neighbor’s door. That’s 115 feet from one door to the other. Tits don’t look as good swaying to the music from 115 feet. They just don’t. Your money would be better spent on the prostitutes by having them come inside your own home and dancing there. That’s a prime jerkin off distance! That feelin when you see boobs up close in your living room instead of from across the street…

I feel bad for the guy who has strippers getting down on his porch. No way that his wife is completely buying that Douglas is sending the prostitutes to dance so he can jerk off from afar.

“Franklin! The troubled young ladies are dancing on the porch again with their breasts out. If I’m not mistaken, this one is in crotchless panties as well! The horror!”

“Again?” says Franklin with a noticeable bulge beginning to billow in his britches as he looks through the window.

“What on Earth is that, Franklin? Dear Lord, is that a boner? You like seeing these tits don’t you, you dirty lil bitch.”

A wanton set of titties strikes again and poor Franklin lands in the doghouse. The husband is in trouble because the nature of boobs struck his dick like a ton of bricks. What a buddy fucker Douglas is.