Well this is something we could’ve lived without. Everything is on such a roll. The Patriots have built an absolute wagon this off-season. So the one thing we didn’t need we just got. The most important man in the galaxy taking a big running start at karma and giving it a big, swift kick in the yambag unnecessarily.
Even if you claim to be some enlightened man of science and not the least bit superstitious, everybody believes in some element of luck. I defy anyone to tell me they’ve never once kept doing the same thing just because their team started playing better or whatever. Pitchers don’t step on the baseline coming off the field. Free throw shooters keep the same preshot routine. Hitters in a slump get out of it by banging fat chicks. I believe in science as much as the next guy but I’ll be damned before I’ll use the words “no hitter” when a guy is working on one. And I’m sure by now you’ve heard how the Patriots 4th quarter comeback in Super Bowl XLIX started when my brother Jack and I swapped places on the couch. (You’re welcome.) So Brady being on the Madden cover is pretty much the only thing short of giant meteor hurtling to Earth that could’ve put a damper on the 2017 off-season and now it happened.
I confess I was one of the guys saying the Curse was over after three consecutive healthy seasons by Calvin Johnson, Richard Sherman and Odell Beckham Jr. But that was when Gronk was going on the cover. Then he went out played only eight games, barely appeared in about three or four of them, and ended up on IR. So if it were up to me, I’d make every player on my team block EA Sports on their phones and spam folder their emails and pay them the difference of whatever it costs them. It would be the best money I ever spent.
Granted, if there is one guy capable of defying the odds on this, it’s Brady. The man jumps off cliffs and wipes out on ski trails and comes back from 25 points down like they’re nothing. But I still don’t need this. I believe in Madden like I believe in the curse of Bernard Pollard, the Giants and Mile High. So this is bad juju.
And while we’re on the subject, he can cut the shit with breaking mirrors and walking under ladders too. Now I understand why they hung onto Jimmy Garoppolo.