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With Just One Appearance From Paul Kariya, I'm Back On The Anaheim Ducks' Wagon

There are very few teams in the NHL right now that are easier to hate than the Ducks. They’re all the way out in Anaheim. The Flyers only play them twice a year. Yet I find myself wishing nothing but misery for their franchise. Perry, Kesler, Bieksa and even Getzlaf to an extent are all so hard to root for. They’re just a bunch of dicks out there. That’s all there is to it. They’re a team full of dicks. The character in that locker room is equatable to the Mets dildo. Pretty much all of it has to do with Corey Perry and then the rat bastard just rubs off on everybody else.

But then the Ducks put out this video yesterday. They are counting down the 16 wins it takes to win the Stanley Cup with famous former Ducks who wore each number having the honor of crossing out said number. A little cheesy, sure. But when Paul Kariya came out to cross out that 9, it was like we hopped in a time machine back to 2003 and all the Ducks hatred I had stored in my body was immediately flushed away.

We don’t get to see much of Paul Kariya these days. His relationship with the Ducks has been strained to say the least. His relationship with the game of hockey in general has been strained as well, and for good reasons. Dude’s brain has been put through the blender and you can’t blame the guy for staying away from the game that caused all that damage. But seeing him even for a few seconds in this Ducks clip reminds me of how much we took those old Ducks teams for granted.

The Disney sweaters. Paul and Teemu. Guy Hebert. Disco Dan Bylsma.

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Just look at those beauties. That was the squad right there. NHL 2002. Pretty sure that was the first one made for PlayStation 2 so the graphics were tiiiiight. If you weren’t either the Ducks or the Avalanche in that game, you were playing it wrong. My point here is that the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim went from easily one of the most lovable teams in the NHL to the biggest group of cock suckers on the planet. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but you know what I’m saying.

Really it just comes down to when Disney sold the team. As soon as they went from the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim to the Anaheim Ducks, it was over for me. I’m glad they brought Teemu back to win that Cup in 2007 but it wasn’t the same. That video is a start though. All the Ducks have to do is bring back the duck mask jersey, give Teemu and Kariya some sort of role with the team. It doesn’t even need to be any sort of official capacity. Just have them around the team. And then I’m back in. I can overlook Kesler. I can overlook Bieksa. I can even overlook Corey Perry just as long as they meet those very minimal demands.

P.S. – Never Forget that time when Paul Kariya should have won an Oscar.

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@BarstoolJordie