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UF Coach Jim McElwain Goes On The Record With Reporters, Officially Denies Being The Dead Shark Humper

SBNThat man looks quite a bit like Florida head coach Jim McElwain, especially thanks to his teeth. That compelled Deadspin to ask a Florida spokesperson if this was, in fact, Jim McElwain. The spokesperson said it was not.

On Tuesday night, McElwain spoke to the media before a booster club meeting and was asked the hard question by the assembled media. From the horse’s mouth, we now have a denial thanks to the intrepid journalism of Edgar Thompson from The Orlando Sentinel.

“Well, first and foremost, I don’t know who it is, but it isn’t me,” [McElwain] said.

When a follow-up question was asked by Thompson about McElwain’s thoughts on how something like that even becomes a story in today’s age, McElwain remained firm.

“I guess that’s for you guys to answer,” he said. “You know, in the world we live, what is a story? I just know this, it isn’t me.”

A much anticipated definitive statement from Jim McElwain.  The public pressure was becoming too much.  The scrutiny too intense.  All we had to go on was some unattributed quote from Deadspin.  Had to hear it straight from the mouth of the man himself.  Coach Jim, did you or did you not, in fact, strip butt naked on a boat in the middle of the ocean and mount a dead shark to pose for a photo?

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“It isn’t me.”

“I just know this.  It isn’t me.”

As clear as can be.  That is NOT University of Florida coach Jim McElwain nude humping a shark.  Time to move on to the next suspect.

My money is on the Jimmy John’s founder.

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PS,

By the way my tweet about my blog the other day got picked up by Black Twitter and my mention have been a steady flood of how fucked up white people are for the past few days.

“White people eat porridge and do shit like this” was my favorite observation.