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Would You Trade Kristaps Porzingis To The Clippers For Steve Ballmer?

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Okay, I know how that headline looks. It looks ridiculous, egregious, blasphemous, and a billion other words that end in “ous”. But this hypothetical came up after KP’s “hacked” LA Clippers tweet and I have been thinking about it ever since. The Clippers do not have any players or picks that I would trade KP for. They barely have players or picks I would trade Melo for and I have been begging for the Knicks to trade Melo for years now. But a Stoolie raised this question and it’s a doozy. Would you trade Kristaps Porzingis for Steve Ballmer? In this scenario, you are basically giving Porzingis to the Clippers, he is signing a max deal for life so he is never coming back. And in return Steve Ballmer is now the owner of the Knicks. James Dolan is gone forever. Instead of owning the Knicks and ruining our lives, he now tours the country and is ruining the lives of others with his kazoo and JD & The Straight Shot. Yeah there is no chance it could actually happen, but it’s a slow Tuesday in May and we are always embracing debate around these parts. So would you essentially give up Porzingis to end James Dolan’s reign of terror forever?

Now it goes without saying how much I love my 7’3″ Latvian unicorn. He is the glimmer of light in the Category 5 hurricane that is the Knicks. The one reason to turn on MSG for basketball 82 times a year. I went to fucking Latvia in the middle of February to learn more about my beloved Godzingis. He is truly my everything.

HOWEVERRRRRRR, this is a short term vs. long term question for the Knicks. I’m firmly in the camp that as long as James Dolan is around, the Knicks are going to be a tire fire. It all starts at the top with him and as we saw during the Charles Oakley fiasco, MSG is basically the USSR during the Cold War. Controlling the media, trying to silence the detractors, and destined to lose. That is not going to change as long as Dolan is around. It will take James Dolan either dying or selling The Garden before the Knicks have a chance to thrive again. While I like to think he will sell sooner or later (probably sooner if people start hissing at him in the street), he is such a stubborn son of a bitch he may own the team until his dying day. So his reign of terror would likely outlast KP’s entire career.

Now on one hand, Steve Ballmer is no sure home run as an owner. He is extreeeemely bloggable and lovable. But the Clippers haven’t been stacking Larry O’Brien trophies since he got to pick up the Clippers because Donald Sterling is an asshole. Sure I would love having Steve Ballmer doing Ballmer things at Knicks games.

Instead of dealing with this motherfucker for another millisecond.

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But I don’t know if I could sell my Latvian sweetheart to LA for it to happen.

The other side of things is that Porzingis already knows what all us Knicks fans know. The Knicks are a shitty franchise that will always stab itself in they eye with a fork. Yeah they have a lottery pick this year and haven’t mortgaged the future in a terrible trade (yet). But we’ve already seen them stunt KP’s growth with an archaic offensive system, terrible teammates, and a President that says KP shooting threes is a “cheap” way to score. In 2017. Phil Jackson actually said that. It’s only a matter of time before we screw up KP or he leaves us because it is the smart thing to do. Again, I love that man with all my heart. But making this trade would potentially not only save the Knicks but also save Porzingis’ career. I’ve already reached the point where I will be happy for Kristaps if he left the Knicks for another team. You should not have that thought in your head if you are the fan of a team. But the Knicks have been SO bad for so long, that is unfortunately a reality.

So I’m putting it up for vote. If you were the Knicks, would you trade Kristaps Porzingis for Steve Ballmer?


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