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Between Allegedly Cucking Tex And Us Hiring Gay Pat, This Has Been A Very Big Week For Me Being #NotGay

In case you missed this week’s Stool Scenes (which you shouldn’t, Young Pageviews puts out a gem every week) there was a bit of an office controversy after a party we had on Thursday with a bunch of clients. Namely, there were some allegations that I had perhaps cucked my good friend Tex out of a girl. And the evidence that came out today is tough to dispute:

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BanderaCuckholda

Does this look like the body language of two heterosexual adults engaging in a little flirtation? You tell me. Now as a gentleman and a professional, I would never kiss and tell. But as someone who has shouted from the mountaintops about how I don’t care if you call me gay butttt would really prefer people know I’m straight as a crazy straw, it’s hard to dispute it’s been a good last few days for my #notgay brand. Every time Tex loses his mind at the sound of the Cuck Alarm, a heterosexual angel gets its wings:

And it gets even better! We also hired a new blogger last week in the form of the appropriately named Gay Pat, the first (openly) gay blogger at Barstool who also took to the defense of how #notgay I am:

I’m mostly dressing up like a construction worker every day now to make sure Gay Pat’s gaydar doesn’t misfire, it worked for the guy in the Village People I think. But all this positive sexuality PR has been great for me and it seems like the world is really noticing. Even the lovely fellas on Asa Akira’s Instagram chimed in with some support:

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Would they ask if she blew a guy in a photo if he was gay? Of course not! But with my heterosexuality and palpable love for vagina leaping off the screen, they had to comment on the obvious. To deny the manly straight machismo of this fella? A fool’s errand indeed:

Big week for me, big week for us all. Chris Spags, still the Pride of Pride and an equally proud #NotGay American: