Advertisement

The Video Game Lords Need To Feel Very Dirty To Pretend 'NBA Playgrounds' Isn't A Blatant Rip Off Of 'NBA Jam'

NBA PlaygroundsThe game has been advertised most heavily on Switch, but it’s also coming to PC, PS4, and Xbox One on May 9. It’ll cost $19.99, and will be a digital only release. The Switch version will be a 7.4GB file, so you might want to invest in a bigger SD card if you haven’t already.

The launch press release also outlines some of the game’s features:

Up your Game! Features a progression system to unlock real NBA players. Uncover new moves for each player as you upgrade their experience. Tournaments and Online Play. Play solo, with friends in local and online multiplayer, or against the world in online tournaments. Lottery Pick System. The lottery pick system introduces a new twist to the game by rewarding great play with unique rewards. Massive Roster of NBA Superstars. Current and retired ballers from all the official NBA teams will be available at launch. Hundreds more NBA superstars will be added post-launch. Over-the-top Moves. Timing is key, whether you’re shooting 3-pointers, pulling off major dunks, showing off your finger-roll game, or defying analytics and winning with long 2-pointers. The game will feature 30 NBA teams to choose from.

Look, this isn’t necessarily a bad deal. Hell, I’ll take it. I already live my life so much in the past that just last night I woke up in a sheer sweat because I dreamt I couldn’t find my cleats to take the field in a meaningless high school football game.
But don’t piss on our leg and tell us it’s raining with this “NBA Playgrounds” hogwash. This is NBA Jam ’17 except instead of going on fire you go electric or some shit. I’m just worried about them fixing something that wasn’t broken. In fact, they could’ve made this the same way they did in 1994 just with updated graphics, players, and Game Genies and people would LOVE IT. Unlike Madden which has gotten to the point where it’s comically similar every year, NBA Jam can withstand the tales of time. Mix in the likes of Curry/Durant, LeBron/Irving, Embiid/Simmons with Schrempf/Kemp, Mourning/Johnson, Stockton/Malone and call it a billion $$$ in the pockets of nerds. Simple as that. The only caveat would be the original NBA Jam announcer must be in all of the games. It’s not officially a 2-on-2 video game unless unlimited “BOOMSHAKALAKA”s and “He just got his degree from dunkin on U” are shoved down your opponent’s gullet along with the dunk.

Also, Never Forget: Team Barstool Philly, 2-0. Back in the days where Barstool Basketball teams would, in fact, not allow the opposition to rip off 26 straight points. The best old school NBA Jam duo this side of Jeff Hornaceck and Clearance Witherspoon. #RIPMo