This Swimmer Tinder Girl Has A Big Time Story In Her Bio About Her Skills At Holding Her Breath

In general I think underwater sex stuff isn’t the best, water getting in everywhere changes the whole dynamic. But if she legitimately was able to hold her breath that long and blow a dude in a pool, how could you not be impressed? I can’t say that makes her wifey or that it’s even something I’d want to create since a pool blowjob probably feels like fucking a fish tank (RIP Larry, no clue how that happened), but it is an impressive feat. And topping it off by buying an Xbox game like a kid with some money leftover from his birthday makes it even better. Underwater blowjobs and a rousing game of Overwatch are all you can ask for in life, just avoid getting the beej in a shark cage.

And hey it’s another week of the internet’s number one Tinder roundup. As you may have heard, Pres killed Swipe Drunk Love and Drive Time as part of the Great FB Live Purge of 2017 and it’s definitely a disappointment. A lot of you guys (and girls) participated and checked it out each week even going against March Madness, NBA and NHL Playoffs, the NFL Draft, and actual well-produced TV shows. Who knows what the future holds but for now I want to thank everyone who checked it out, the folks who asked for Smitty, Alyssa and my advice, and everyone internally and out there on the internet who helped support it. You can check out all the episodes here if you’re still inclined, it was in particular a very good run from the Valentine’s Day one on.

And thanks to the folks who send in screenshots, make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM in yours (and consider it a “Sorry your show got canned, cheer up Spags” gift to up my numbers), and now let’s get to it:

(via MB)

I see no way she isn’t pure class (via R)

So your dick won’t be the dirtiest thing she’s had in her mouth, that’s good (via CR)

This big girl does not live by the laws of man. Or daily nutritional values (via PD)

What an emotional journey this bio was (via PP)

Busty redheaded 18-year-old in a choker is quite the gift for some lucky gent out there (via D)

It’s like two Timons and one Pumbaa (via NS)

I feel like this is getting dangerously close to Shrek fetish territory (via CG)

Really burying the lede with the whole stripper and swinger thing (via MGF)

(via BS)

Get you a girl who loves a good anal fisting (via DC)

Shouts to her new lungs, hopefully they can blow (via OT)

Riggs and Francis….

(via BK)

“Human cum can” is some quality prose for a community college chick (via MP)

Dad things like wearing khakis and being annoyed by current pop music or dad things like getting drunk and making some repressed memories? Needs clarification (via AC)

It seems like not the best idea to expect guys with their age range up to 60 to be viable mates (via M)

Unrealistic penis beauty standards are a serious issue for men (via DM)

Well you have to respect the honesty (via R)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

And I, for one, am glad to help publicize dat ass (via POD)

Every set of nips on all the apps, that’s the #SpagsPromise (via JB)

To the man trying to tame the dominatrix mom: Namaste (via JB)

The honesty is appreciated (via JD)

A Swedish model #SpagsPromise is something I’m very into (via TH)

We need to bring hand bras to mainstream girl photos (via ZR)

I can certainly see how she’s got the raw potential, like the kid in the Kevin Bacon classic The Air Up There (via HP)

You and your sweet ass can suck it, Hannah (via MS)

That’s no Loonie in her shirt pocket, that’s a #SpagsPromise (via CH)

18 year old pierced #SpagsPromise makes the blog every time, we all know that (via CMD)

This is now the second time I’ve had a Texas Woman’s University girl in here, the #SpagsPromise is teaching us all so much about schools we have no reason to know exist (via JB)

That bio only doesn’t annoy me because of her body (via DS)

Far away butt shots, always a gift (via GM)

So this can’t be a real person…who’s the model being used in the pic? Need to know ASAP (via CB)

It would be rude not to wish this Cinco de Mayo baby a happy birthday (via GY)

That #SpagsPromise has nothing to be Sari about (via ZS)

The officially approved social media follow of the week, even if I’m disappointed she didn’t get the memo about cheerleaders needing to be on Bumble (via AD)

This is a #SpagsPromise PhD candidate

And there we have it, another week in the books. Make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM your pics, thanks to the folks who sent things in, and happy swiping!