I'm All In For This New Red Sox/Orioles Rivalry

After another ejection last night, albeit a bullshit one, I’d like to say that I am VERY much in on this budding Red Sox and Orioles hatred.

I’ve never given a shit about the Orioles in my entire life. Growing up Camden Yards was the lovely place you go for a family trip, loaded with Red Sox fans because it was basically cheaper to grab a flight to BWI and some tickets to that empty ballpark than it was to get tickets to a game at Fenway. Personally, I never went, but countless kids on my little league teams would take the trip. That’s what the Baltimore Orioles have always been to me, the blah team in the mid-Atlantic with fans so lame that we could take over their ballpark without a fight.

But now? Obviously, the Os have been a better team as of late and I’ll admit that the fans have followed suit. That’s not a bandwagon bash either, as teams get better fans get louder, that’s just human nature and I welcome it. The louder those crab eating, Natty Bo drinking, lacrosse playing fucking losers are then the more gasoline it dumps on this newly found passion for this traditionally lame franchise.

Everything about it fits perfectly. David Ortiz was our strongest reminder of days gone by when a rivalry with the Yankees was actually a thing. Now, that rivalry is gone and so is Papi. We need something new to get up for May games.

Enter the incredibly hateable Buck Showalter who does his best at every press conference to needle the Red Sox. Enter Chris Sale and a crop of you Red Sox stars, who I’d follow into battle at Thermopylae even if it was just the handful of us. Bring in Manny Machado crying his eyes out when he gets thrown at and saying he’s lost respect for the organization like he’s the first superstar who’s ever had to wear one. Manny’s rant the other night wasn’t the first time he’s caught feelings about being on the business end of a brushback or a beanball, Yordano Ventura threw him inside last year which made Manny run his mouth leading to him being thrown at which led to Manny charging the mound. Fernando Adad threw Manny inside in 2014 and on the next pitch Manny’s bat “slipped” and went flying toward the third baseman, he meant to throw it at Abad and this also cleared the benches. Manny Machado is very good at baseball, he’s also very much a bitch who is fun to hate. Mix in some Adam Jones who… well, we’ll leave that one alone… but whose unfortunate situation has still made this matchup a lightning rod for attention and gotten tempers flaring on both sides. I’m not condoning what was said, not by a long shot, but there’s no denying it gave both sides an extra clip of ammunition in this war.

So yeah, I’m all the way in on this. Baseball is so regional and so long that you really need rivalries to stoke the fires in May. If you need me tonight I’ll be plopped in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, ranting about how Brady Anderson is the real face of steroid use and Cal Ripken only played in 2,632 consecutive games because he didn’t leave it all on the field. See you there.