While WWE Payback Was Great, Its House Of Horrors Was Hilariously Bad

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Here I am, eating my hat. That clusterfuck pay per view I wrote a preview for yesterday? That was really great. There was one big, giant, House of Horrors sized misstep, but everything else was enjoyable. Here’s the part where I awkwardly transition into my recap of the matches. If I didn’t drop out of college it’d be seamless. Oh well.

Kickoff Match: Enzo and Cass vs The Club

Didn’t fully understand the logic of putting Enzo and Cass on the kickoff, as they’re the most over act in the company and the arena was half empty when their music hit, but this match was very good. There were some really creative false tags, which Enzo and Cass really thrive doing, and it had the right finish. It was almost never in doubt that they’d win, and I loved that. They are too good to not decisively win matches.

Also, Enzo’s pre match promo had to be some kind of rib. Like at some point backstage, somebody bet him he couldn’t get Chinese food over, and then he fucking did it! He got Chinese food more over than any Cruiserweight on the roster!

Result: Enzo and Cass def. The Club

Kevin Owens (c) vs Chris Jericho for the United States Championship oh and also the winner of the match goes to SmackDown and the loser goes to RAW

The storytelling in this match was phenomenal. The callback to the finger on the rope at WrestleMania, this time during the Walls Of Jericho and not the Codebreaker, oh, just brilliant. Jericho winning was very surprising to me, because the WWE seemed geared up for a Styles/Owens feud, and KO’s character has been very driven by the United States Championship recently, but unpredictability is great and there’s not enough of it.

Result: Chris Jericho def. Kevin Owens

Neville (c) vs Austin Aries for the Cruiserweight Championship

Once again, Neville got the best out of Aries and the finished was booked correctly. It’s nice to see AA seemingly get a drive to succeed, which we didn’t get much of in NXT. If he starts performing like he did in 2011, we could have another one of those must watch wrestlers very shortly. He’s still pretty far from that however. The DQ finish was well executed and keeping the title on Neville, like I said around Mania, is the right call until a clear cut babyface like Jack Gallagher can take it off of him.

Result: Austin Aries def. Neville via DQ (Neville keeps the title)

The Hardy Boyz (c) vs Cesaro and Sheamus for the RAW Tag Team Championships

As expected, these two tag teams delivered big time, even if Sheamus kicked the fuckin’ shit out of Jeff Hardy. Somebody’s gotta tell this guy that wrestling is fake. Maybe Octagon Bob needs to step in.

After the match, Cesaro and Sheamus turned heel in a big, bad, way, beating Matt and Jeff up and leading many to believe they…”broke” the Hardyz. I hope you’re not tired of me speculating when they’re gonna pull the trigger on the gimmick, because I’m only getting started. I need some BROKEN Matt in my life.

Result: The Hardy Boyz def. Cesaro and Sheamus

Bayley (c) vs Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women’s Championship

A few notes:

1. Alexa Bliss may be the most attractive woman ever.

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2. It’s awkward when you point that out and your boss acknowledges it.

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I loved the finish of Bayley smashing her head into the turnbuckle, and Jake The Snake’s finish finally getting the job done. Great finishes were a running theme at Payback, actually. This may have been my match of the night, and I’d definitely seek it out.

Result: Alexa Bliss def. Bayley

Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton in a House Of Horrors Match


In all of the best ways. Randy pulling up to a shitty house (which you can buy) in a limo, wearing black jeans and no shirt was just incredible. Him stepping out and giving the most dramatic, horribly acted “…What the hell…?” was even more incredible. The tractor driving past him while nobody was driving it WAS EVEN MORE INCREDIBLE!

The whole thing in the house was straight out of 2001 WCW Nitro and I couldn’t have loved it any more. The tweets that came from it were amazing, too:



The in-ring was all shit, and not in a fun way. It just sucked through and through and Jinder Mahal is dreadful.

Result: Bray Wyatt def. Randy Orton

Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe

Rollins and Joe was fine for what it was, but entirely forgettable. The finish was solid, because Joe lost but still looked strong, and Seth got the win he needed in the spot.

Result: Seth Rollins def. Samoa Joe

Main Event: Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns

Here’s the other match of the night contender. Braun Strowman is undoubtably my favorite part of the WWE right now, and any time he does anything I’m captivated. I can’t say the same about anyone else. Roman Reigns sold well, and made this match come off like a fight he needed to win. Braun of course came out on top, which was fine because of Roman’s injury angle, and he beat Roman down afterward. Even took an ambulance door off and sent it to the moon.

As I said in the opening of this blog, Payback pleasantly surprised me and I’ll be very interested to see how this is all followed up today and tomorrow on RAW and SmackDown. Until next time (tomorrow)!