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The Dude Who Got Dragged Off A United Flight Has Settled With The Airline, Is Rich

(Source) - United Airlines will cut a huge check with Dr. David Dao — the airline and disgruntled passenger have settled the looming lawsuit. Dao’s lawyers just said they’ve reached “an amicable settlement” with UAL for the injuries Dao received when he was savagely dragged off a jet in Chicago. Attorney Thomas Demetrio says the amount of the settlement will remain confidential … but there’s no doubt United cut an enormous check. A trial would have been a disaster for the airline. Demetrio praised United’s CEO, saying, “Mr. Munoz said he was going to do the right thing, and he has.” The lawyer added United has taken “full responsibility.”

Everyone check your watch and tell me what time it is.

That’s right, it’s fuck David Dao time! Come get your prize, everyone who guessed it right.

I wish I could vacuum up all the tears I shed for this sonnofabitch and trust me, there were oodles of them. I was jealous of Dao the moment it happened both because I knew this day would come and because having your face slammed into the arm rest is about as enjoyable as a coach flight gets, but now it’s real. Now he’s definitely rich and now I definitely hate him out of jealousy.

But I hate this “undisclosed number” bullshit (please don’t ask me how much Barstool sold for, that exact number is undisclosed), because I need to know exactly what this deal entails. If Dr. Dao only took money then he’s the biggest fool alive. I hope he got creative as shit with it because this was the most genie situation that’s ever happened since Aladdin came out. Viral video, terrible PR, outrage culture, happened to a minority, he’s an important person, blah blah blah. It literally checked all of the “you will match my demands” boxes. I hope Dao at least negotiated for a billion dollars, free first class air forever, TSA pre-check without having to devote a day to getting it, United’s CEO’s number so he can prank call him in the middle of the night with face Chinese food delivery orders, one of those hurricane machines that blow money around and you try to catch it that’s always stocked, the presidential water cannon salute for every takeoff he’s on, a locker on every flight for his oversized luggage so he doesn’t have to check baggage ever, fucking EVERYTHING.

Get that scratch, Dr Dao, you lucky son of a bitch.