Need A Pair Of Pre-Muddied Jeans For $425? Nordstrom's Has You Covered

I’m not gonna do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do and say these are hot. That’s not me. It’s not my game. You think I want a pair of fake poopy pants? I don’t and whoever told you that I did is a damn liar.

But here’s the thing, if these become hot (which they won’t) then I’ll have no choice. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I don’t decide what’s fashionable and what’s not, I just follow the trend. I never thought I’d wear drop crotch joggers but then Bieber wore them and what happened? I got a pair of drop crotch jogger that, to be honest, I still couldn’t bring myself to wear out of the house. But I bought them. I didn’t think I’d be a distressed denim guy but those got hot and now I’m wearing them all over the place. Love them. Every day I don’t wear jeans with tons of holes in them is a sad day for me.

So do I want these jeans? No, I don’t want them. They’re not even good looking dirty pants, like the applications of fake dirt don’t even appear to be in realistic spots. If I wore these jeans around NYC people would absolutely assume I was a crazy homeless man who’s too lazy/has given up on life too much to bother pulling his pants down when he poos. If pigs wore jeans in their sties then they wouldn’t even get this dirty.

But… BUT… if these become popular then it’s out of my hands. I’ll have to wear them. What’s the price of beauty? Sometimes it’s swallowing your pride and pretending you just came up the 28th St Subway from the farm.

Still better looking than cargo shorts, at least.