Guy Drops Dead in the Middle of a Lap Dance
Source - El Paso County sheriff’s officials said a 67-year-old man died at an El Paso County strip club Friday night.
The manager at the Red Parrot strip club said that the man, identified by sheriff’s officials as Robert Gene White, was getting lap dances, but when it came time to pay the dancers, he was unresponsive.
Employees tried to perform CPR on White and when that didn’t work they called emergency responders. White was transported to an area hospital and appears to have died from natural causes, according to sheriff’s officials.
I do not weep for Robert Gene White. A life like his is not to be mourned, it is to be celebrated. Every man dies. Not every man really lives. And Robert Gene White died doing what he loved: Having sad teenage runaways show him their nipples and grind their ass cracks on his thigh for money. How many of us get to say we get to live our last moments on this Earth in a moment of such happiness? Almost no one.
My first thought was to feel for the last stripper, who danced Robert to death and never got paid. But I think even she’ll come out of this ahead. I mean, in a highly competitive field like working the pole, I imagine you’ve got to have some kind of a hook. Some reason they’ll hire you over the thousands of other worthy applicants with terrible fathers looking for work. It can’t be bad for your marketing to say your vagina is so incredible it killed a guy. The curiosity factor alone will keep this young lady in the Champagne Room from opening to closing. Not to make this about me, but a while back I had a woman hit the deck in the middle of a show I was doing. Literally, she passed out and was non-responsive and EMTs had to come take her out. And while I was glad for her she didn’t die, I was looking forward to a career of billing myself as the Comic So Good He’s Deadly. My point being, she’ll be fine.
Robert Gene White, not so much. But he enters the kingdom of Heaven one up on the world he left, shuffling off this mortal coil with an evening of free lap dances. And in that we can all rejoice. Farewell, Sweet Prince. You’re my boy, Robert.