Kim Jong Un Takes A Water Break From Planning Nuclear War To Copyright His OUTRAGEOUS Haircut

Express- Kim Jong Un has forbidden citizens of the hermit kingdom from having the same haircut as him, it has been claimed.

A list of allegedly state-mandated styles was snapped by a journalist inside the heavily controlled state.

But despite many styles sporting shaved side styles, the list does not contain the style made famous by nuclear weapon wielding warmonger Kim Jon-un.

The Finnish reporter, who is believed to have snapped the approved list while visiting the Pyongyang for the ‘Day of the Sun’ celebrations, claimed the barber gave him the “best shave and head massage I have ever had”.

Goddamn. For North Koreans, another of life’s simple pleasures falls victim to the selfish whims of their adorable despot. I honestly don’t get it–look at his face. How can so much evil emanate from that adorable, pudgy, cake-eating mug? Never has a darker soul worn a warmer visage. I feel like he’s always smiling. But then again, he allegedly executes his opponents with flamethrowers (really putting the fire in firing squad), gets his airplane hit by a revolving squad of babes from the “pleasure brigade,” and devours contraband big macs while the rest of his citizens starve to death. Allegedly. I’d be smiling too if I had that life.

So much of the news that comes out of North Korea is based on rumor, since the government has complete control of the media. But the general consensus was that a few years ago, Kim was forcing the men of North Korea to imitate his haircut, and now he’s flopped to the other side. I get it. At first, you think it’ll be cool for everyone to copy you, but then you realize you’re no longer the trail-blazing style pioneer when everyone looks like you. Solution? Copyright your chop and murder anyone who doesn’t choose one of the following 15 styles.

Haters will say this is limiting, but 15 choices? That’s plenty. How many ways can you really cut a guy’s hair? I will add that a lot of those haircuts look exactly the same to me. At least like 4 are just different dudes with the same thing. Sneaky Kim at it again!