Cops in Nigeria Find $43 Million in an Apartment
Nigerian police received an anonymous tip, found $43 MILLION in an upscale apartment. https://t.co/2Ii0wGn4ZC pic.twitter.com/Dm9ZYdi6Mo
— Complex (@Complex) April 16, 2017
.
Complex – Nigerian police this week found $43 million in an upscale apartment in Nigeria. You read that correctly—$43 million.
The discovery happened Tuesday after the Nigerian anti-corruption unit received a tip. A person said there was a “haggard” woman in “dirty clothes” who was taking bags in and out of the apartment, and it seemed suspicious.
When the cops showed up, they found…well, a ton of money. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission posted a video of them counting the money: $43 million USD. … The money was “neatly arranged” inside cabinets that were hidden behind a bedroom wardrobe, according to CNN. …
The commission says the funds are “suspected to be proceeds of unlawful activity.” … Nigeria introduced a new whistleblower policy in December that credits tip-givers. Whistleblowers can anonymously provide information securely, and if their information leads to the police recovering stolen public funds, the whistleblower can receive 2.5-5 percent of the money recovered.
We’re all thinking the exact same thing here, right? That this $43 million is the ill-gotten gains from the Nigerian Royal Family email scam? It has to be, doesn’t it? I mean, how else to crooked Nigerians make that kind of money? Unless they’re growing poppies for drugs or doing a shit load of human trafficking. Or someone devised a computer program that skims fractions of pennies on financial transactions like in Office Space. But they’re not known for that. Their leading export is poorly translated, grammatically incorrect spam. So there’s a 100 percent likelihood this is where that haggard, dirty woman made this pile of cash.
And it’s just another reminder that I’m living my life all wrong. That if I had any kind of drive and ambition I’d get off my ass and start scamming the shit out of people. The world is lousy with ignoramuses that have way more money than brains and I should be separating the two. There are a million ways to do it and they all work. Nigerian emails. Faith healers. Mediums who’ll pretend to talk to your dead relatives for a fee. Psychics. Telemarketing, which can still work as long as there are lonely old rich people with land lines just looking for someone to talk to. Astrologers. Pet psychologists. Cults! Cults are like a license to steal, and I’ve always wanted to start one. Especially the kind where you get unlimited free sex plus everybody’s money. Like the Worm says in Rounders, it’s immoral not to take their money. But here I am, working for a living (so to speak) and not insulating my house with $100 bills.
It’s time I stop dreaming and get going on any of these. Or at the very least, move to Nigeria and work for somebody who does because five percent of $43 million is like … $20 million. And I’d rat out my own mother for money like that.
@jerrythornton1