This Girl With A Boy Name Is Living Her Best Life With A Hilariously Aggressive Tinder Bio

luke

Oh Luke. How does a girl get the name Luke? What spurs her parents on to do that? Maybe they think it’ll be easier for her to get a job? Maybe they were huge on 90210? Maybe they wanted a boy and this was their passive aggressive way of handling it? We may never know the answers. But dating is all about compromise and, if Luke is tired of hearing about her parents’ confusing naming choices, at least she’s offering a valuable prize to avoid that conflict. That’s what you want out of a woman, and giving back by not asking questions is so little to ask. So to quote an award-winning podcast, I withdraw all my questions and instead offer this: Hey Luke, suck our dicks. (via A)

Sup internet, you’ve found yourself right in the middle of an all new Barstool Tinder roundup. And that means it’s time to catch up with the latest Swipe Drunk Love where we discussed the dreaded friend zone:

Here’s the Soundcloud link if you prefer. We talked about how to get out of the friend zone, a Barstool employee friend zoning a busty gal on Twitter, and frankly Alyssa’s boobs looked STRONG all episode so it’s worth your click. That’s another #SpagsPromise.

Thanks to the folks who sent things in, make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to send in your screenshots, and now let’s get to the blog:

M

(via M)

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Follow the @SwipeDrunkLove Instagram for more bonus Tinder roundup content EVERY SINGLE WEEK

MQ-thisweekinsouthernchickswhowouldfuckyouratherthanyoufuckingthem

This week in Southern chicks who would fuck you rather than you fucking them (via MQ)

S-cuckfish

Ahh the ol’ J Hammmmmy cuckfish (via S)

A-coastguardstayingasbuoyantaseverin2017

Coast guard staying as buoyant as ever in 2017 (via A)

SLC-themesseduppartisyouknowsomedudehitherupaskingtofuckherchinhole

The messed up part is you know some dude hit her up asking to fuck her chin hole (via SLC)

JW-itsbeenafewweekssincewevehadareminderyoudbangatransgirlbangkokyouvedoneitagain

It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had a reminder you’d bang a trans girl and, shocker, Bangkok you’ve done it again! (via JW)

CC-thisiscleverandalsothekindofparadoxthatcouldbreakarobotsbrain

This is clever and also the kind of paradox that could break a robot’s brain (via CC)

AL-mustbehardtogetintofamilyreunions

Must take a lot of red wine and K-Y to get into their family reunions (via AL)

ND-iactuallyenjoytheenthusiasmhereevenifitissarcasm

I actually enjoy her enthusiasm here even if it’s sarcasm (via ND)

R-ifiwereyouidlistentothesatanistgirljusttobesafe

If I were you I’d listen to the Satanist girl just to be safe (via R)

PD-analjokesarestillplayedoutbutienjoyedthecreativityhere

Anal jokes are still played out but I enjoyed the creativity here (via PD)

JG-becauseitsthecup

#BecauseItsTheCup. PS many people, especially hockey hardos, are saying they loved my enthusiastic photo with the Cup, I won’t deprive you of that:

(via JG)

RZ-lowkeyprettyhotbio

Low key pretty hot bio we’ve got here (via RZ)

TWW-wellatleasthebioishonest

Well at least the bio is honest…love you miss you Erin Olash (via TWW)

DC

(via DC)

T4K-INSERT10GIFthatsawheelchair10

That’s a 10 wheelchair girl, no question (via T4K)

J-ididmyresearchandapparentlythisisaverytangirlandnotablackgirlLINKTOGERMANchick

I did my research and apparently this is a very tan girl and not a busty black girl, I learned my lesson from that German chick earlier this week (via J)

JVB-thatseemsunfairtheywoulddefinitelycrackwhilesheshovedthemin

That seems like an imperfect personal record, they would definitely crack while she shoved them in (via JB)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

GM-HOTNSFWtheremaybealotofgoodinstagramfollowsthisweektbh

There may be a lot of good Instagram follows this week tbh (via GM)

DS-HOTNSFWbutwouldshegettasedoveragameofNCAA2007Ibetnot

But would she get tased over a game of NCAA 2007? I bet not (via DS)

BMC1-HOTNSFW

BMC2-HOTNSFWthehumblebragofthecentury

That Brad Pitt thing is the humblebrag of the century (via BMC)

DS-HOTNSFWspagspromiseappreciatesnipsthatshinethroughevenwhenitsnotcold

The #SpagsPromise especially appreciates seethrough nips even when it’s not cold (via DS)

C-HOTNSFWcantevenspelloutthethiccnesswithoutbreakingtheCsonmykeyboard

I can’t even spell out the thiccness without some serious risk to the health of the C button on my keyboard (via C)

ZH-HOTNSFWphotoshoppingoutaspagspromiseshouldbeaninstantDQbutwhatever

Photoshopping out a #SpagsPromise should be an instant DQ but whatever (via ZH)

P-HOTNSFWmidrangebuttshotalwaysawinner

Mid range butt shots, always a winner if you’ve got the goods (via P)

RD-HOTNSFWfainthintofaspagspromiseandaddyissuesyesyoucouldputitinherAnnis

A hint of a #SpagsPromise and daddy issues mean, yes, you probably could put it in her Annis (via RD)

PR-HOTNSFWyoudontneedlasiktoseethisSpagsPromise

You don’t need Lasik to see this #SpagsPromise (via PR)

MR-HOTNSFWtitsarecool

Tits are cool (via MR)

DM-HOTNSFWstupidluckyassdog

Stupid adorable lucky ass dog (via DM)

CF-HOTNSFWaplayboyTVisstillathingbifitisathingyoudprettymuchhaveto

A) Playboy TV is still a thing? B) If it’s a thing you’d pretty much have to for the story (via CF)

TH-HOTNSFWtakeaSpagsPromisegirloutsomewherenicelikeredlobster

Take a #SpagsPromise girl out somewhere nice, like Red Lobster (via TH)

BH-HOTNSFWwellthendontletthegirldown

Well then, don’t let the girl down fellas (via BH)

ZR-HOTNSFWETspagspromise

E…T…Spags….Promise (via ZR)

And there it is, another week in the books. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM in your screenshots, have a joyous Easter or whatever Jew stuff weekend, and happy swiping!