Pooping Is Not Allowed On Jeff Bezos' Private Spaceship, And For That Reason, I'm Out

Jeff Bezos - If you’re one of the very, very wealthy individuals considering dropping a big chunk of change on the chance to fly into space aboard Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin spacecraft you’ll be very interested to hear that there will be some pretty strict requirements when it comes to bodily function. As Space.com reports, pooping, peeing, and puking are all off the table for would-be space tourists aboard Blue Origin.

Speaking at the 33rd annual Space Symposium, Bezos revealed that, due to the relatively short nature of a Blue Origin trip, the company won’t worry about things like bathroom breaks or bouts of vomiting.

“Go to the bathroom in advance,” Bezos told attendees. “The whole thing, from boarding until you’re back on the ground, is probably 40 or 41 minutes. So you’re going to be fine. You could dehydrate ever so slightly if you have a weak bladder.”

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Hold on, what was that?

As Space.com reports, pooping, peeing, and puking are all off the table for would-be space tourists aboard Blue Origin.

Simply put, you cannot ask me to pay millions of dollars to fly into space on your rinky dink spaceship and not even let me drop a deuce. That’s simply un-american. It’s against everything this country was built upon. You know who doesn’t let people poop? Assad. Mussolini. Portnoy. And apparently we can now add Bezos to that list.

But the bigger question here is, who the fuck builds their own personal spaceship and doesn’t even include a toilet? It’s insanity. I can’t even wrap my brain around it. This guy has all the money in the world…so much money that having a yacht simply wasn’t good enough, so he built a fucking spaceship…and he didn’t even include a place to take a shit. Has to be one of the worst spaceships of all time. The Challenger thinks Jeff Bezos’ spaceship sucks.

So as much as I’d love to fly into outerspace, I’m going to sit this one out. Not being able to poop simply makes this trip not worth it, mostly out of principle alone. Hard pass, Bezos. Hard pass.

PS: The more I thought about it, the more this made me mad. Like, legit pissed me off. There might be nothing cooler than pooping in space. Just launching a turd into the galaxy to float around in zero gravity forever. And Bezos isn’t giving people that opportunity. It’s downright fucked up, man.