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I Just Adopted A Piece Of Earth From NASA And They Gave Me A Very Shitty Piece

Whole Earth from space - view from Apollo 17 December 1972. First photograph of south polar ice cap. Most of Africa visible also Arabian Peninsular and Madagascar (Malagasy). NASA photograph.

So NASA is letting people adopt pieces of earth. I don’t know what that means but the second I heard it I pulled the trigger. My old man’s a classic Midwestern Missouri boy and he’s always gone by the mantra that success equals owning as much of the earth as possible. Dude just buys up land every chance he gets. Couple feet here, couple feet there, maybe sneak in an acre or two. Loves it. So if you think his son is going to see this opportunity to adopt a 55-square-mile chunk of the earth you’re crazy.

Well turns out the whole thing is complete dogshit. I mean, look at the earth they gave me.

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What the fuck NASA? Middle of nowhere. I’m swimming with MH370. Give me one of those nice islands with hot chicks that don’t know what clothes are or maybe Augusta National. Not bumfuck Pacific Ocean.

When I clicked on the satellite look this is what she looks like.

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Wow how lovely. Complete fuckjob by NASA. After reading the fine print it turns out this adoption does not come with legal or property rights. Pretty disappointed but I guess that makes sense, the only major issues I see here are when some religious sites get taken. Like when Mr. Cohenberg from southern Connecticut “randomly” gets Mecca we’re going to have a problem.

Anyway, if you guys are ever at 5.04 degrees South, 126.72 degrees West hit me up. That’s my earth.